What happened to NaNoWriMo??

I tried, but circumstances proved otherwise, Yme sister has been very very unwell, he was writing exams and unlike most that have time to write at home after work. I am busy with the kids all day and then run my business Earth Babies and knitting for my new idea and generally trying to have time with the Geek at night. This month was just too much.

Besides I did not like my book, the idea was one I wanted to write and then realized that it is not the style or type of book that I am actually any good at doing. It was a valuable lesson and I am glad that I tried it. I am glad that I learnt where I want to focus my writing energy one day. I know life is always busy and that you have to make the time to write. But this was just not the right moment.

If and when the right moment comes, then I will know, so I tried and I learnt, all in all worth while

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

I am a day behind so am doing 2 today

This one is easy.

I want to write a book. Sorry, I know I go on about it a lot.

I know a lot of people want to write a book and feel an over-inflated value in what they have to say. Maybe I fall into this category too. The one thing I have, that a lot of people have commented on in both a good and a bad way, is that I am honest and open. Willing to broach topics and talk about things that are usually left unsaid. I am willing to be wrong and to make mistakes. I am willing to share these, in the hope that sharing my words brings comfort to a heart bearing a burden that they feel they can not talk about or share.

I love words, beautiful, unusual words. The ones that people think you are pretentious for using. The thing is that I never use words to make myself better than anyone else, or make them feel stupid, or at least I hope I never do. I use them because I love them, the sound lovely, they roll around in your mouth and sound so interesting in your ears as they are slightly unusual. Not the words you hear everyday. They make you sit up and take notice of them.

The problem is that I know nothing about writing a book and am not even sure where to start.

writing competition – writers block

I while back I entered a writing competition that I had seen Angel mention on her blog, well it has come around again. But unlike last time when it took me a few minutes to think of a story and get it out I have spent days this time trying to decide what to write. I am under no illusions that I am anywhere near as good as those who win these competitions but it is good practice and stretches me. This time I feel like time is running out and the idea is not coming.

But so far my favourite entry is this one, haunting, it had me mulling it over and over in my head for days. The care and feeding of angles

If you have a chance read some and see what you think and which is your favourite.

I hope an idea come to me in time.

Happy Birthday dear PHG blog

Birthday,balloons I actually missed the day that my blog turned ONE, I was thinking about it for weeks before and then at the time it was just hectic as always and I forgot. I am quite sad that I missed it as this little space in the world has come to mean quite a lot to me. It has helped me through some very dark days and out to the other side where life is a lot better. I know that in the world of blogging me and my blog are but infants but we have loved every minute so far and hope to be having many more birthdays

I have always said I write because I have to, the word bubble up inside me and I need to put them down somewhere, but as helpful as writing alone is, a benefit I never realized would come to mean so much to me, is the amazing people I have met through my blog and the support people have given me. I know there are those that think the support from comments should not be taken too much to heart as people can type any little message and it does not replace genuine care and support, but I might just have been lucky in that so many of the people who comment here have become real life friends who do care about me and mine.

Emotions and life can often feel overwhelming as things happen at strange and unplanned times but blogging gives a place to get it all out and it is like having a safety net of people out there that just gently with their words and kindness carry you through the good and bad times.

To all that have read and commented over the year, thank you, you really mean the world to me. I know there are a few of you that read but do not comment often or at all, please keep coming back and maybe just now and again let me know you are out there with a comment or 2, i do so love comments 😉

I have received criticism about my blog and about my choosing to share my world and emotions with others but no matter what others think I am proud of my little space in the world.

Dear Blog please forgive me

My poor neglected blog, I have missed you so much, the number of posts I have written in my head and then not managed to get out has been eating me from the inside. Writing keeps me sane, Yme I promise to try write more and put the crazy woman away again LOL.

Oh my word what did we do before the internet? I am an extrovert, not in the sense that I need big crowds or that I need to be the center of a huge party but in the way that I draw my energy from people. I like to be around people and talking and feeding off them as my one friend put it. So for me to have moved and have no internet is like torture. I love my kids endlessly but they can be a real drain on my energy when I have little other interaction during the day. So the move to Cape Town has meant not only less of my friends around but also no internet has cut me off from my on line support. I am not sure I realized quite how much I needed the people I chatted to on twitter and those who’s blogs I read and using my own blog to chat to others and get my thoughts out.

A few little hiccups have meant that we have been rather challenged in the getting internet.
– Helkom who said we could have a ADSL line no problem when we got the phone line now suddenly have no ports and will not be putting any more infrastructure in place before next year! If you ask me they have so over stretched themselves with the World Cup that they have no more money for the basic stuff. Having no internet and an on line business is not very helpful
– so the next obvious choice is Wireless, we called a few places for a site survey and guess what, luck would have it was have 2 big ass trees in that directly block the 2 hills that the antenna are on that transmit the signal, so that is not an option.
– 3G it is then for now, but we are both MTN and this is a crap signalk area for MTN so we have to get a vodacom card Ricca it and try use it that way, easy? No not quite, have you ever tried to change yiour address before one of the suckers will give you an address change, no i can prove my address with a bill before on of you will give me a bill with my address!!!
– On top of that my cell phone that I could tweet with got stolen, it was one of the worst things, it was given to me as a gift by an amazing person that I am not allowed to name and it is so much worse when a gift gets stolen than something you bought yourself, I was gutted.
– Then my lap top broke
– The home phone broke

It was basically just an all round communication technology fail. I now have a new pink laptop, a new HTC Desire phone, we have a new home phone and have resigned ourselves to 3G, although the fight with the parasite, I mean para-statal Telkom. continues!

The communication front has not been great, and the move has been a big adjustment for the kids however I know it sounds corny but I am loved.
I throw wobbly and I am loved,
I have PMS and terrible cramps that double me over and I am loved and looked after,
I go to a parenting forum get together and Yme comes with me.
I am getting used to the fact that he wants to do stuff with me and that he is not going to shout at me and that he actually likes to help organise stuff and shop for the house.
He likes having people over. He might not be an extrovert like me and he needs space alone but he knows my need for people and he accommodates that. He never makes me feel guilty for wanting or needing people.
He tells me he loves me, he even whispers it to me when he thinks I am asleep and can’t hear.
He loves me just the way I am.

I have missed you all, what has everyone been up to? I hope to be here more from now on. I have also started a blog for the kids for their news and home school stuff. www.pinklets.wordpress.com which I hope to be able to update a bit more now that we have some internet albeit not the best fastest or cheapest.

SIX WORDS FOR OUR SOUTH AFRICA.

“I don’t do politics. Instead, I naively believe a government should run the country, make sure we have schools, roads, health care etc and are safe. Sadly, I think most are pretty crap at doing just those basics. George Orwell’s book, Animal Farm, always springs to mind, where greed and power turn even the best into just another set of pigs. But enough about that.

What does worries me is the how much we ordinary South Africans buy into their crap. I have been wanting to write this post for ages. I was thinking about Eugene Terreblanche last week actually, as a comparison to Julius Malema, another raving lunatic in my eyes. I was going to say that at some point they all fall off their horses, but that seems a little insensitive now. My point is that we will always have loud mouth outspoken extremists – we’ll have to deal with that. We do not muzzle them by getting outraged and fighting them. You can’t fight hate with hate. They have no power if we, the people, stand together and say

“No. We don’t believe you! We will fight and we will work to make this country better!”

They can turn us, one against each other, ONLY if we let them. We have the power to decide what we buy into.

As I said at the start, I am not all that interested in politics. I AM about people, the real people who get up each day and who work in this country. We went to bed last night and we woke up today, no different, despite the events and the clamour. Yes, leaders and media and propaganda now try to build bigger divides between us.

That needn’t be. There is a vibe about this place that you do not find in other countries. A feeling of potential and hope. If only we could look each other in the eyes and work together.

I believe that we fight this hate by knowing each other. It is hard to hate people you have connected with. But it is easy to hate and fear the nebulous “them”. We don’t fight crime with higher walls, more razor wire and armed guards. But these barriers will give way only after the ones in our hearts have been removed – we do that by listening and learning about each other. Yes I know I am an idealist and I know it sounds too naive and silly, but I have seen the power of stories.

We own South Africa. We are the people and we choose if we listen to this or if we choose to stand together – I think we need a new song, a new slogan, a rallying cry.

I’ve always wanted to collect stories (that’s another post), but for now I would like to try the 6 word idea like I did here . Please send me, your 6 words, why South Africa is worth fighting for, or the good, or why you love it. Be creative. Maybe we can even get some proudly South African companies to kick in some prizes, who knows?. I will leave the comments open to enter for a week and then we’ll have a week of voting.

I’ll start the prize basket, with 2 bottles of organic South African wine from Lazanou farm, and I hope others will add stuff.
But most of all, I’d hope that you would add your words, your strength, your love of our country.
It’s ours. Let’s take it back from these fools.”

Black and white – it is easier when you are 5

I am dating someone else, there I said it. Phew. If I have learned anything it is that life does not come in nicely tidy boxes, it happens in total chaos and sometimes the timing could not look worse. I have not known how to write this blog, how not to be the badie, but maybe I am. But I can not longer not blog about it, this is my space, I have always said I write because I have to, and now is no exception.

I overheard Rachel asking my dad if the world was made of opposites. Then they discussed big and small, fast and slow etc. Listening to their happy chatter my brain went off on a totally different track. It is so easy to be black and white about things when you are 5, there are still absolutes. In a kids world things are usually one thing or another. As I get older though there seems to be a lot less black and white and a hell of a lot more grey.

Is the opposite of good, bad? Is it always that clear cut? I am sure you have all heard a story of the girl/guy who broke up with your friend ( or maybe even you) and then a few weeks later they were dating someone else and our usual response is to be mad and wonder: How could they be so insensitive? Did the other person not mean anything to them? We sympathise with our friend and say bitch/bastard and lots of head shaking goes on.

But because life is so seldom black and white, what happens when it is you? When you are the bad one. So I blogged about the relationship with Aequitas ending and as much as he was a fantastic person and he gave me so much, I healed and grew and relaxed with him, there was nothing I could do to stop it not being right. I tried to ignore the niggly feelings but I could not. It was never my intention to hurt him – I was told intentions are meaningless and maybe that is true. But relationships come with risk and I truly did not picture the end like it was at all.

But, and there is always a but in a grey world, an unexpected turn. There is a friend who has stood by me through a lot of stuff, someone who effortlessly gives me energy and knows what to say, when. I liked him the first time I met him ages ago but never thought the feelings were returned. We had been twitter friends before that and started chatting after I needed computer help as always. We get on like a house on fire. Well the timing was bad to discover feelings for each other straight after I had just ended a relationship. We decided not to pursue it. But sometimes no matter how hard you try things just grow and I think because we have been such close friends for so long, the rest just happened so easily.

So there you have it, I am that girl. The one who is dating so soon, the one who must have a heart of stone and not care for the person I ended it with – well actually no, nothing could be further from the truth. Just sometimes life happens, feels grow even when they should not. Hate me, bad mouth me, think I am crazy and irrational and mad for following my heart so soon. But as much as I knew things were not right before, I know that they are this time. I have never ever felt this way about anyone before.

Pet Names – Oh no Yuck!

I have 101 things to do, Earth Babies and all the stock and ordering etc has landed at my house with a vengeance. Although I now have a system I think I can manage, it has been a bit of an adjustment. I have 3 articles to write and crazy project to plan and a million other things to do, yet here I am blogging. Why? Why, would I take time out of my hectic life and come and do what some people would consider wasting time. This will not be the first time nor the last time I say that I write because I have to. I write because with all the thoughts and feelings swimming around in my head they competing for attention, if I get them all out I might have a few moments of clarity in which can work again – well that is always the hope, until the next crazy thoughts and ideas jossel for space in my small brain that is.

So after that rather long preamble what I am going to write about is a tad soppy so feel free to skip the nausea inducing text that follows.

I was with my ex for 8 years and never once did he ever say that he loved me, in fact I don’t think he really truly loves anyone in this world but his daughter. I convinced myself that I was not the soppy type and that I did not really like pet names, holding hands and all the other signs of affection. I can’t only blame my ex I think I was like that with a lof of my previous partners, maybe not quite as bad but still. You see I am a very very physical person, I love to be touched but I come from a rather emotionally reserved family so there is the dicotomy between what I know through habit and upbring and my natural tendency to want to be emotional, touchy and rather soppy.

Would have known that I would become a ‘get-a-room’ kind of gal, that I would love holding hands and being called “Love” would make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside? I never knew feeling loved by someone in an uncomplicated normal way could feel so good.

There are times when I think that my reserved upbringing, and not being used to be loved in a relationship, makes me occasionally draw back, retreat and try sabotage things. I am good at that, I am good at breaking relationships, but this time, this time is different! I do sometimes transfer my weight onto the back foot as I contemplate turning on my heels and running. But I stop myself and I look at what I have and why I want to run and I realize that my own sense of self worth is often to blame. My own sense of ‘oh shit, my life is way too complicated for anyone’ (Please do not think that I was not loved as a child, I was very loved my parents are just not very physical towards each other so it is not something I have seen as a child.)

But then I get the sms that make me smile all the way to the inside of me, the ones that fill a place so deep inside that I did not know it was empty. I feel loved but never caged, anchored but never bounded. Aequitas loves me, he believes in me and most of all he allows me to be as independent as I need to be. He know it is important to me, he knows I need to security of feeling I can manage on my own, but I only have to ask and he is more than willing to help. If I want to move very heavy bookcases and he says “go for it,  if I was there I would help you but I know you can do it , I believe in you.” Sometimes I do silly forgetful things like leave my car open with the keys in the ignition whileIi go into the shop, he never makes me feel stupid he just says – “try remember becasue I worry about you, you are special to me.”

Pac Man Bookcase The distance is hard, but I think it helps me to get used to being loved and to know that it is something I really want. I miss him when he is not here and I can’t wait to tell him things and share the arb details about my day. Besides we both love the Pac-Man bookcase!

One of the things that I think heals me the most is not only being loved but learning to love back and seeing how good I can make someone else feel too. The circle of love.

I googled pet name and while most of the name on this list still make me feel a little queasy, I am learning

Pet Names for Boys Pet Names for Girls
Bubby Amazing
Squishey Dove
Puppie Pot Baby Bear
Dumpling Birdie
Honey Bunch Beautiful
Silver Baby Doll
Hot Stuff Bubbles
Chocolate Daisy
Pumkin Butterfly
Sugams Dollie
Hunk Charmy
Lovey Dovey Heartbeat
Poubelle Cookie
Darling Jelly
Bunnie Cutie
Hubby Buttercup
Sparky Candie
Prince Angel
Soul Mate Diamond
Amore Blossom
Chico Dimples
Winky Curly
Silver Flower
Flame Cherry
Hearty Gorgeous
Lover Pie Fruity
Goldie Juicy
Joy Cuddly

So pet names: bring them on!

My story

When I blogged the 6 word challenge, I mentioned that what had inspired it was a writing competition. I sent in an entry, but never put the link to my story in my blog as I was very unsure of myself. You could have found it if you looked for my name in the list but I did not want to highlight it.  As much as I love writing, I have not written any non-fiction since I left school, rather a long time ago. I love words though and often feel like I write because I have to, the words just want to come out.

So this is my story, that I entered:

Guardian’s Gift
By Sally-Jane Cameron

The solitary figure stands silhouetted on the grey hilltop, the other mourners are long gone. A dark bird circles overhead, it’s cry piercing. She draws her cloak tighter around her, but feels the icy wind leech the last remaining warmth from her. The fire in her soul had been extinguished the night she held his head in her lap. Her guardian, protector and guide had raged against the dying to remain with her, but the dark ominous presence in the room had won, claimed it’s prize and taken her champion.

She feels her legs begin to crumple, her eyes closing, she welcomes the thud of the cold earth, the never getting up again, but arms catch her, strong arms she knows and trusts. Warmth slowly spreads through her body, calm washes over her, the kind she felt when he was by her side. Her heart pounds, “He has returned!” But opening her eyes, she’s alone…The pain is is still there, but she feels his final gift reach into her soul, and gently start to fan the embers of her spirit.

She feels his unwavering love and devotion to her, and grieves the one gift she had never been able to give to him; she the princess, and him, her guardian. Rank had fated him to love her completely but watch while she loved others. She will not fail him! Her strength gathers through the pain. She stands, determined to make him proud; the battle for her kingdom will be won!

I knew I would never win, but it felt good to write again, it was only after I had sent in my entry that I began to read more about short story stuff and the idea is to not switch between past and present and just describe a scene. So I was even more sure that I would not do so well.

But when the judging came up I was surprised to see that I had made the Forties Club which means:

Entries scoring at least 40 out of 45 in my scoring system are inducted into The Forties Club. Asterisks have been added next to the names of inductees. In my judgment, these writers have done their job excellently. Their strong, skilled writing brought their stories to life.
He explains more about the judging here:
this is the link to the winners

My 250 word entry is actually the idea I had for the start of a book, maybe I will write it one day…

6 word challenge

Words. I love words I saw this competition on Angel’s blog, the closing date is tonight. I have wanted to write a story for ages, in fact I have one in my head. So I decided to write the opening for my story for the competition. You only have 250 words which is really hard. I have not written fiction since I was at school so this was quite a challenge, mostly to get over my own anxiety and fear of not be fantastic straight away. I was tempted to just write a poem instead but decided to take the challenge rather. Oh well will send something in, not sure I am brave enough to post it here.

I was talking to my mom about the competition and she told me about a story in 6 words

Ernest Hemmingway was challenged to write a story in 6 words, his answer which he personally thought was his best pose ever was “For sale: baby shoes, never used”

Can you write a story in 6 words? Try and leave it in the comments.