No more emo! Pack it up and ship it out, I have had enough. Laura keeps telling me that happiness is a choice but I was dragging my feet and quite enjoying wallowing in my own stupid self pity. The lessons I learned were painful but necessary and I am now ready to face the challenges of life with a smile again. Look, don’t get me wrong, not for one minute do I think that times of being down will not happen, but we get one shot at this life, one chance to be all we can be.
I am grabbing it with both hands and shoving as much as I can into it, yes I want to do the things on my list and more and there are loads of places I want to see and things I would love to have, but this is not really what I want the most. It is the people, beautiful, crazy, amazing people that make it worth while. Everyone has such a unique story to tell and for me it is now being open enough to see what they bring to your my life and what you can bring to theirs.
I am glad that I tore up the list and abandoned the idea that I have any notion what so ever as to what I need. This applies to all people that I meet, not just potential dates. I am setting aside preconceived ideas and I am open to experiences.
You know that letter I was supposed to write to the universe. I never did, I thought about it and all I said quietly in my soul was that I had absolutely no idea what I needed and no idea what to say. Well lets say that the people who have touch my life since then are so unexpected and I have so much to learn. I am excited!
I have been told I need to write a letter to the Universe but there are a few problems with this idea.
The first is that even before we get to what I am supposed to say I need to deal with the issue of the Universe. Who/what is this universe anyway – is it like the big stuff out there in the sky?
I have heard that there is a whole lot of rubbish floating around in space, I hope that is not included in the Universe I am supposed to be writing to – I am don’t mean the stars or planets or little speaks of flying rocks that always seem to bash straight into unsuspecting space ships in Star Trek, I mean human rubbish. I just googled rubbish in space and it is actually called space junk. The BBC site says “The current estimate is that there are over a million bits of debris orbiting the Earth. About 70,000 objects about the size of a postage stamp have been detected between 850 – 1,000 km above the Earth. They are probably frozen bits of nuclear reactor coolant that are leaking from old satellites.” To read more about this riviting topic you can go to the BBC site See and you did not think reading my blog would be like a veritable science lesson.
But back to the Universe, so if it is not the actual planets and stars and stuff (because as lovely as I am with my super pink hair I am not sure Saturn and Mars and the likes are all that interested in matters of my heart) that I am supposed to write to, is it some energy? I don’t know how to connect with some random energy. It is great and all and I know energy is all around us, but lets face it a tornado is also energy and I am not sure I want to trust a tornado with my letter either.
Or is it God, is it just that people don’t want to say God anymore as it might make some feel excluded so if we just say Universe no one get offended. If it is God does he need a list? I am not sure I even think there is a God anymore, I just can’t get God and science to match up anymore.
Or is it in fact just me I am supposed to write to, and the process of writing bring clarity of thought and helps one make sense of emotions? Maybe the process of thinking about things enough to write them down means that you have a clearer idea in your mind about what you want. Hahaha did I just say that I might be the Universe – I really do have a huge ego don’t I?
The next problem is that there seems to be conflicting advice as to what I am suppose to say. I hope we are all on the same page here and this letter is all about boys – I mean what the heck else would I be writing nebulous letters to the Universe about. I am sure you all knew that but just for clarity sake I thought I would just mention it. The one school of thought is that I am supposed to swear off men completely and that in telling the universe this in no uncertain terms would mean that it would be seen as a challenge. It seems to have worked for some.
The other idea is that I have to make a detailed list of what I want, I have to be specific and detailed. See now already this one has me feeling uncomfortable. I blogged about not liking lists here as I am not sure I ever put the right things on the lists I have written before
So there in a nutshell is my dilemma, I have a letter to write and I am not sure who I am writing it to and I have no idea what to say. Apparently it does not matter what you say you just have to mean it. Insert confused looking face here <-----