At some point or another most of us have been walking along and suddenly spotted by a face in the crowd that we could have sworn was someone we knew. Even when you know it is not them the shock and the memories that come back can really leave you quite shaken. Something similar happened to me last week. We were on out road trip so far removed from the normal flow of life and suddenly there was a reminder of the past that I was not expecting. So stark and out of place. And it would happen on the day that I decided to quit smoking (oh yes the one on the balcony a night sort of multiplied when I was away and around other smokers. I had decided to stop that day and was doing very well mind you)

To say that I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach would have been putting it mildly. My breathe was taken away. I grabbed the closes box of smokes and headed off into what we were told was snake infested bushes. As I sat letting memories wash over me, I was so glad to know that I had been right, they had no power over me any more. It was a chapter and it was over. Now, is more and the future is forward.

Sorry to be all vague but believe me this was a huge step forward for me, and I owe a lot to you.

I will end with a Meme I got from Wenchy’s blog

1.Explain what ended your last relationship?
As much as he was a lovely person and I did love him in a way it was not enough. I need someone who understands that dating me comes with dating my kids. He tried really really hard with the kids but it did not come naturally to him. I did not have energy to help him cope with the kids and cope with everything else in my life. He really did nothing wrong. He was very kind and supportive and I wish I had not hurt him.

2. When was the last time you shaved?
Friday morning so that I could wear shorts on the last day of the road trip when it was so hot.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.
In bed tweeting

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
The same thing I am doing now, blogging, drinking tea and chatting to Ghilraen.

5. Some things you are excited about?
Moving to Cape Town, I am not even the tiniest bit nervous anymore, I am just more excited than ever. I can’t wait.

6. Your matric farewell night, what do you remember about it?
It was silly, I hate dancing and school was not my favourite place

7. Last thing received in the mail?
In the physical mail it was probably something for Earth Babies, nappies or something

8. How many different beverages have you had today?
Coffee, coffee, coffee, juice, more coffee and now earl grey tea with Ghilraen it is our thing.

9. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
No, I like to stand and watch the waves in one place and slowly let my feet sink into the sand

10. Any plans for Friday night?
recover from a long day at the Living and Loving Baby show and getting ready to do it all again on Saturday and Sunday.

11. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
As long as it tied up it is fine, not so keen on wind blowing hair in my face.

12. Where do you keep your change?
In the ashtray of my car.

13. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Goodness no idea, maybe when I was on TV last year, does that count, there were not that many in the room but a guess a couple watched at home.

My weekend

This weekend

– I bought my first packet of cigarette in 10 years, and no I am not going to start smoking but I hate bumming smokes and every now and again I feel like I want one. I am quite disappointed in myself but hey. When you only smoke occasionally you still get that cool head rush. At R30 a box though there is no way this can become a habit again.

– I realized again the power of friends, I have GREAT friends. To Tanya, there were nights this week that I would not have gotten through without you, I wish you lived closer but I guess being where you are meant you were awake when I needed someone to chat to. To Barbara for letting me cry and being so amazingly kind, to Laura who always lets me tell my story and offers wise words and to Heather who just understand things no one else does. And to all the others who just quietly support me – I am blessed.

– Right after I posted my blog on guys just wanting me, I got an sms, it was about midnight, from a friend I have not seen in over 5 years. “Dude it is not okay when stoned to ask me for sex especially when you have been married for only 6 months. Don’t play that game, everyone gets hurt – trust me I know.” It did serve to reinforce my idea of being only wanted for one thing.

– I am sticking to a BOB ( battery operated boyfriend) they might not be able to hold you and kiss you which I so badly want but at least they can’t withhold the truth or cheat either. That reminds me I need to get more batteries. Now if I had spare money (like that is going to happen soon) then i would get one of these. I saw it at the sexpo at the Matilda’s stand

But this weekend I did manage to do one positive thing.
I started this mosaic table ages and ages ago but have just not been motivated to finish it, but on Saturday I did. I needed to keep busy.

mosaic butterfly

( I ran out half way and had to dash out to builders quickly)
mosaic,mosaic,butterfly coffee table,mosaic butterfly

mosaic,mosaic,butterfly coffee table,mosaic butterfly

mosaic butterfly

half way through cleaning
mosaic butterfly

mosaic butterfly