The other arm and Greener sex

One night after coitus ( you have got to love Sheldon) I was lying behind The Geek, he was asleep, my brain on the other hand was far from done with thinking for the day.

Firstly, we should have screw off arms for spooning. What the hell do you do with the arm underneath? You can put it up above your head but that is not comfortable. The other person can lie on your arm, but then what about when you want to move? Because lets face it, spooning is great and lovely but then it’s enough and you need to move to your own bit of bed to actually sleep.You can sort of lie on it but then in gets in the way on being close and spooning the other person, which is after all the point. My solution is instead of pins and needles in your arm that has gone to sleep being tucked under you or bent at unnatural angles above your head, or due to the other person lying on it and you are plotting how to get it out without seeming unloving and ruining the moment of intimacy. Instead of these, it would be so much easier if we could just screw off the underneath arm and spoon in peace, enjoying the moment of un-baby-interrupted sex rather than worry about what to do with the arm. And yes I am aware that I over think things.

Secondly I thought about how much a baby changes your life, your sex life to be exact. From frequent sex to just being thankful that you managed to at least have sex once that week. You are lucky if both are awake at the same time and the baby is not. I think it is the baby’s evil plot, their way of enforcing birth control and preventing further siblings.

Birth control brings me onto my 3rd thought. So in this whole sustainability challenge is some contraception greener than others? And what about condoms, are there green biodegradable condoms? What I do know is that I do not want any more babies and that I can’t take hormones. In my brief Google search I saw something about sheepskin. I am not sure how The Geek would feel with his manhood wrapped in sheepskin. I am not sure how I feel. I will have to research this topic and will fill you all in with the greenest contraception options, dilemmas, debates and products and of course most will not be available in South Africa.

Stay tuned

but for now, over to you

what do you do with the other arm?
do you think the environment should be a consideration in birth control choices?

And just in case you thought I was the only mad person that has these arm thoughts check out this cool article by Christoph Niemann

Dreams don’t lie

image

I was having a nap with Titus the other day and was in a light, almost awake state but asleep enough to dream. Does that make sense?

Anyway I was dreaming The Geek and I were on a camp somewhere and were desperately trying to be alone to have sex. It was not working, we were being interrupted a lot. Hmm no genius is needed for dream interpretation. Babies and kids, well parenting is general causes one’s sex life to take a nose dive.

It is not from lack of desire, want or need but rather circumstantial. One falls asleep early, or the baby is awake or the other kids are awake or we are just busy with household things that need doing.

It is a good thing they are so cute and we forgive them the damage they do to libido

I was teasing The Geek with a few seductive sms’s while he was shopping today. Let’s hope the kids, the energy levels and the hormones all play along tonight.

Do you ever have sexy sms conversations?
Do you also check the number 100% just to make sure it does not for some obscure reason suddenly become your mother’s number?
How has having kids affected your sex life?

One for the boys

Barbara was telling me about a discussion on a parenting forum, they were discussing what guys would choose if they had the choice between sex with no blowjobs or blowjobs and no sex, forever. The responses were interesting, we thought it might be revealing to see what guys think as the original discussion was mostly women.

Guys please vote in the poll and I would love to hear what people think ( yes you girls too) so leave me a comment.



Vibrator review for couples – by a guy

So the first contribution is from a guy – well done for being willing to share. Come on ladies we need some from the girls point too. After a discussion on twitter it became even more apparent to me that this is something we need to talk about and share info on.

When pinkhairgirl sent out her request for vibrator reviews to the girls, it occured to me that these days, vibrators are hardly used exclusively for girls wanting a little private time. It’s just as much a part of a happy sex life as a couple (I think). So maybe, it’s time for a review of vibrators from that perspective: what is best to use together with a partner.

I’m sure girl-girl couples have a wider repertoire of course, but this review is written by a straight male, so I’ll be focussing on the toys that work in a heterosexual couple, based on my own experience only.

As it happens, no less than three of my past lovers got their first vibrators after I introduced it to them as part of couple play, I suppose that is not as uncommon as one may think. Like many men of my generation, I grew up masturbating to porn where solo women were usually enjoying toys. Along with sneaking secret reads at cosmo, we came to see vibrators, dildo’s and other sexual toys as just a part of a happy woman’s sex life,
for me, none of the stigma’s formerly associated with them ever really existed, I loved the idea.

The very first time I bought a vibrator, it was with my first serious girlfriend. She was nervous but excited – it was also her first visit to an adult store. I think it helps that the attendant was female, that probably did more to put her at her ease than anything I could have said. We spent nearly an hour browsing the shelves, she was … nervous of anything too unusual, and opted for an smooth-shafted toy.

These are frequently chosen I understand as first-time devices, because they are simply non-threatening. Penis-like but not too much, somewhat more subtle. She loved it, and soon we had two. Her way of using them very quickly evolved into using them together. One for clitoral stimulation, one for penetration. The combination was, according to her, the most ideal sexual stimulation you could get. It generally made her crave a penis to replace the inserted one after a while – which as a couple, is just about the perfect outcome.

The second girl I went toyshopping with, was perhaps even more nervous that first time, but certainly more excited. Once more smooth and simple won the day, but this time – one of the kit-sets with various rubber
sleeves (and a small bullet vibrator included)… we spent a very delightful evening trying out all the attachments. Over time, those would fall into neglect, her prefered method came to be – the bullet with the smooth shaft. It also generated in her a fantasy for the biggest vibrator she could imagine… to be stretched beyond what any man could do.

I bought her that one, it was probably as thick as my fore-arm and would remained one of her favorite toys for years. My advice here, as discovered by accident is that if you want the big stuff, go for the jelly-moulded
ones, their softer feel and texture are much more likely to give pleasure rather than pain. “The big pink toy” as it was known did not only get a lot of action, it had enormous visual appeal to watch for me, and she even
liked to suck on it during sex to live out threesome fantasies.

Of course, toys aren’t only for girls, and along the way, I always tried to encourage girls to pick one out for me as well – thus far, without success. Most girls even if they were open to the idea of their man also using toys, seemed to dislike the idea of anything that can be penetrated (perhaps they felt threatened). Only one such toy was ever bought with a girl’s approval (it’s nice though, if you want to spoil your boy – the jelly-like
hand-held vagina’s are nice – and I’ve heard very good things about the fleshlight range, though I haven’t tried them myself yet).

Toys are also, one of the best ways to introduce a nervous but eager girl to the joys of anal play, furhtermore if the man is not homophobic… it’s one of the few things that can be really shared in the toy-store (obviously, proper care should be taken for higiene and safety reasons, using toys well-cleaned with condoms etc. as appropriate to the specific kind). Anal-beads feel amazing to both genders, as do buttplugs, and if she’s really aggressive and you are openminded enough… a strap-on buttplug can be a wonderful way to
reverse the roles a little 😉

The most recent toy I bought for a girl, was with somebody whose eagerness was completely overshadowed by feelings of catholic guilt and shyness… she wanted nothing to do with the selection process. So I made the choice, referring to numerous other reviews – I opted for what is roundly and repeatedly rated the best of the best. The rabbit/dolphin type with an attachment on top to provide clitoral stimulation. It soon became one of her favorite posessions in the world, as soon as she got used to it, she loved it. When she was particularly in the mood, she would really enjoy it inside her vagina during anal sex as well. It has enormous visual appeal for the man, provides that “perfect combination” that since the very first part of this review seems to be a mainstay of what girls seek in toys and because it’s a penetrating one, it’s one a man can use on a woman (obviously – know her responses, and don’t hurt her or go to deep/fast too soon) – which is always a thrill.

I have had more limited experience with other kinds, like the wearable types – but the bit I had was rather dissapointing. While I’m sure many women love them, they seem to be more of a niche-market. One kind though that should never be underestimated is remote controlled ones. “The toy” as it’s known is a remarkable example because it’s bluetooth control means the man you give the control to, could be a country away. The idea of course is to be surprised, a touch of submission, and the joy of orgasms unexpectedly, in the middle of conversations or a board meeting, at his whim.

Some clever inventor really needs to come up with a similar design for men, after all… sometimes we like to be the submissive one too…

So there it goes, my run-down of couple-use toys and what has worked best over the years in my experience. Hopefully, if you’re a couple thinking of your first collective purchase, it will give you some idea of what to look for. I highly recomend the types which are penetrating with a clitoral stimulator as the ideal first-time toys, while most women start off with the smooth, slim variety – they have invariably opted to add a second one for clitoral stimulation within a very short period, it’s just easier and cheaper to get both in one, not to mention that it leaves you with a free hand for when your man invariable starts begging you to touch him too…

Thanks this is much appreciated – Pinkhairgirl

Ask me anything

I know a few people have done this on their blogs, I know Laura did it a while back and Richard did it recently, so basically the idea is that you get to ask my anything in the comments section and I will answer later. Ask 1 ask 20, just ask something! This could be quite interesting, lets see what people want to know about the pink hair chick.

10 bonus points for the most original question

Answers:

Zola:
Q: 1. Why pink hair? Is it a trade mark and why not purple or red, why did you choose pink?
A: I like pink, I did not start out with the intension of it being a trade mark, in fact I was only going to have a few streaks and well I sort of got a bit addicted. Pink makes me happy. I guess I have become known for it now

Scott:
Q: I’m guessing ‘what is your real hair colour?’ isn’t what you want to hear…. How about *scrapes barrel*:
What would you do with a placenta?
A) Cook it with onions and sage and eat it in a candlelit ceremony
B) Bury it under a tree in the garden, next to an ex-pet
C) Donate it to medical research or
D) Try not to think about it and hope that it is discreetly disposed of?

A: My real hair colour is strawberry blond like my daughter in the picture in this blog but it lost a lot of the copper and was more just mousy brown – I can’t do mousy brown!

I have had 2 placentas – one i buried under a rose bush the other the midwives took away after the birth as we were just renting and i had no where to plant it.

Dawn:
Q: How much does maintaining that gorgeous peeeeenk hair cost every month?
A: It is complicated
I import the dye which is about $9 a bottle and i get 2-3 application out of a bottle. And each application lasts about 4-5 weeks. This I do myself – well I mean Sharon does it for me at home. The bleaching and cut I have done at the hairdresser every 2 months and that is about R650

Yme
Q: What’s the one material thing you can’t/won’t live without?
A: My computer as I run my business from it and I need to make money, but for that reason alone. Otherwise I think if i HAD to I could live without a lot of stuff.

Wenchy
Q: Why are you getting divorced? What happened?
this blog on leaving and this one on my part maybe explain it a little. We were too different and should never have been together in the first place.

Gina
Q:Hmmmm,
Perhaps we should ask some ‘interesting’ questions
When did you lose your virginity?
Where?
Was it everything you hoped for or do you wish it had been different?

When 1995 I was 17, in my res room at University. It was okay, it was both of our first times so it was rather awkward but we really cared for each other and that make it something I don’t regret. As first times go I think it was fine. The only thing that was a bit of a dampener on the situation was one of my friends knocking on the door ( thank goodness I locked it) and asking if I was in. We had to try hard not to laugh and wait until she left thinking I was out 😉

Richard
*Rubs hands together*

Q: Most embarrassing moment?
A: You know I don’t really have one, how sad is that, obviously there are little stupid things we do in life but I can’t think of one that stands out a being huge

Q: Biggest fear?
A: Dying before my kids are a lot older, not because I am scared of dying it is just they have been through so much already and the turmoil to them would be huge.

Q:Wildest dream?
At this point it is falling in love – I mean the whole deal. I want to say that in my wildest dreams i did not imagine it could be this great.

Q:What could you NOT live without?
A: besides people in my life like my kids i guess the stuff that keeps you alive like water and food, and then physical touch ( sex, but the touch more than the sex) . I know if my ex reads this he will laugh as i was just about asexual in our relationship but there were reasons i suppressed my natural desire to be touched and held. My love language is definitely physical affection.

Q: Most public place you’ve had sex?
A: There are a few you choose which counts as most public
– In a pool with other people around
-outside on a quiet path near the edge of a little tiny swiss village with the mountain in the background,
– on a beach in Greece – at night it was dark

Q: And Finally, What would you do if you woke up one morning and there was a pigs head next to you?
A: Scream!!

Kkthx <3 Bman Q: Does the curtain match the drapes ? A: There is very little to match but the thought has crossed my mind, not so sure about the bleach being such a good idea down there 😉 but I like the idea. Jack Q: Who has the best tongue that you know? A: Haha this is my blog so I can say whatever I like about myself but naming other people is not so cool. But all I will say is that he knows who he is. Madeline Q:How are you coping with the kids on your own? A: I am quite used to it, in the UK when my son was born and my daughter was only 3 I had then ALL alone for 2 weeks at a time every month when my ex was on the oill rigs 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. There I had no domestic and no parents to help. So here it is in some ways easier as I have a domestic who is like a saint with me and my chaos and the kids, and I have my parents who live next door and I have lots of amazing friends. I guess what is hard now is juggling them and earning a living. Barb Q: What is your earliest childhood memory? A:I have no idea what are true memories and what I have see in photos and been told. But i guess I remember dressing up with Jenni in the garden, I remember hating nursery school. I remember one very cold morning Jenni getting ready to go to big school next to the heater in the lounge it was dark and her clothes were warming over the heater and I was sitting next to it watching my mom help her. Q: Which one question do people always ask you when they don’t know what to say? (e.g. mine has always been – Are you always this quiet?) A: I have never had a question before but now it is always why do I have pink hair. Diddle Q: Is part of the reason you keep dyeing your hair pink that you like the attention? Does it make you feel more confident? Also, do you really believe it suits your complexion? A: Gosh sounds like you disprove of my pink hair. No I don't dye it for the attention, I really hardly notice people looking anymore. It does not make me more confident it reminds me who I am and makes me feel happy so I guess in a way it makes me more able to be me. As for it suiting or not suiting my complexion - I don't really give a shit, but a lot of people tell me it suits me. If you disagree I don't really care. Sleepyjane Q: One of your biggest regrets? I don't do regrets, everything makes me who I am. I just don't like that sometimes things i did hurt others Q: Your biggest pet peeve? A: A stupid little one is people mis-pronouncing the word 'trait' Q: Your favourite comfort food? A: Anything sweet, i like chocolate a LOT Zeenoid Q: What is the single weirdest thing that you’ve done? A: You mean besides having pink hair. I guess it would be birthing my son at home without any medical help. Q: Does all the hair match? A: see my answer above Q:Can you do the splits and touch the ground with you nose? A: not even nearly Barb Q:If you could have a superpower what would it be and why? A: I always said being invisible, but right now I want the ability to change someone's mind. I want to help and they are not letting me. It is making me sad as I know I could make a difference. Q: If pink did not exist what would be your favourite colour? A: OOh life with no pink that that is a horrible horrible thought! No can't do it, can't even begin to think of life without pink, I like green and orange but not in the same way as I feel about pink. Q: Since you drink all these weird vile things ‘because they good for you’ – would you use the Semen Recipe book if i got it for you for christmas? … it is mos good for you! *snigger* A: How good for me is it? It would have to be very very very good for me and scientifically proven to be so. But the problem is that to use the semen recipe book i would have to have a supply of semen available and I don't. Q:Do you think the most interesting thing about you is your pink hair? lol A: It is the most remarkable and the most memorable but there is a lot more to me than just pink hair ShoN Q:What’s the one thing in your past that you would change/do differently, if you had the opportunity to do so?! A: There is only one thing that I want to do with the past and that is learn from it, i can't change it because then it would change me. We learn through the good and bad. Gilz Q: What’s one thing in life that you have not done yet and will do NO MATTER WHAT? A: I want to take the kids around Europe for 6 months in a camper van learning and experiencing things rather than reading about them in book. Clarence Q: If you support the Freestate Cheetahs but next season they buy 80% of the Bulls players. Would you still support the Cheetah,s as technically you are supporting the Bulls. ? A: which jersey will go with my hair better? I will go with that team. Sharon Q: When can we meet for coffee again so I can hear the answers to all these questions? A: Name a time, I would love to do coffee again, but the answers are above 😉 Q: Oh and I also want to know what Wenchy asked. A: above You a brave girl putting up a post like this I know I don’t have the guts! It is not that brave, it has been fun. I have been told I am too honest. Bobbi Q: What a good post, my question is do you have a tattoo and if so where and what. If not would you ever get one and what would it be? A: No not yet, I would love to have one. I like the lower back but am told they are not cool. So actually I have no idea, i also don't know what to get, as soon as I have solved these 2 problems I will get one. Demaria Very interesting post. thanks for sharing. I was going to ask about the pink hair and the divorce, but you’ve answered that, thanks. Cazpi Q: Just have to say this is awesome – would LOVE to do it myself as well. Fun My random question: You stated above about love : ¨I want to say that in my wildest dreams i did not imagine it could be this great.¨ Does that mean you are IN love currently>?
A: That is a really good question

Leebeesa
Q:what do you think is the most important thing you want to teach your daughter and son about love and relationships?
A: Risk all to fall in love totally and completely, never settle. You might get hurt but it is always worth it. If you find it hold on with both hands and don’t let go.

Q:Are you a cat person or a dog person?
A: Dog

Q: What is your food weakness?
A: Chocolate

Tanya
Q: If you could only eat one meal every day for the rest of your life, what would that meal be?
A:Salad or pizza as you can make them a million different ways and not get sick of them

Q:What is your favourite book?
A: This is one of the questions I find very very hard to answer, I love books and reading and there are so many beautifully written books, the ones where you literally laugh out loud until your sides hurt or the ones where you feel the emotion so much that the tears stream down your face. Books are like friends they enrich your life, I guess it was one of the things I never understood about my ex, the fact that he did not read and saw no value in it.
One that spring to mind Catch 22, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, Kite runner, Thousand splendid suns, Wuthering heights and and and. I want to read the 101 books to read before you die – but that is a new blog all on its own.

Q: Have your kids been affected by the divorce?
A: Hard to say, they are very little. I think have an environment with less fighting and animosity has been good for them. Ask me in 10 years and I guess I will know better how much this will affect them

Q: What is your best attribute (character and physical)? And your worst?
A: Best character attribute: wanting to help others, I like connecting with people, talking exchanging ideas, finding meaning and purpose and being open to them touching my life and me touching theirs
worst character attribute: my temper
best physical: hahaha can I say my new boobs? I love them
worst: I have always been told I have a big bum

Q:Oh… and who is Diddle?
A: I have no clue, but hope it is not just me that thought they were a tad rude!

S_Mesh ( questions on twitter)
Q: Aliens have landed and selected you to visit their home planet. Do you go with them?
A: No too many people need me here now, find some brainy scientist. I am of no value in something like that but there are 2 beautiful little people that need me here and other people who’s lives I am in and need to be part of

Q: If you have twitter and blogger friends coming for supper what would you cook?
A: Depends on the people but if they liked sushi i might make that, it is quite fun and I have the mat and all.

Q:Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because the hair dresser was on the other side and it was pink feather day

Q: Who was your hero as a child?
A: I don’t remember having one as such, I was too busy trying to get my own way 😉

Q: If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?
A: Something nocturnal I guess and what animals are there that have sex for pleasure? I know it is us and dolphins. So a nocturnal sex animal. Oh and the monkeys they have a lot of physical contact i guess I could be one of those. Or what about something that is pink – not too keen on being a bird though.

haha i think all this has highlighted that I am quite indecisive choose one thing is hard for me

This has been great fun thank you everyone who asked questions!

Snappping Turtle
Q: How are the new boobs doing? Are they all you ever dreamed of?
I love them, no really really love them, they are fantastic, so much more than I ever dream or hoped for. And that I did them when I did just for me and that makes them even more great. The are rather firm, but they feel good – I am told. 😉 and I have lost no sensation which I was worried about.
They make wearing clothes designed for a female figure with some shape so so much nicer. Best money I ever spent.

Nicci
Q:You know that you made me re-think getting plastic surgery Would you let me touch your boobs when I see you next LOL!!
A: of course you can, don’t feel shy just ask.

Pleasure who’s responsibility

I found my vibrator while searching for a necklace yesterday, before going out to dinner with a school friend I had not seen in 20 years. It was in a bag I had not looked in and I even at one point though it might not have been shipped, but it was.

Being alone at the moment and needing to be this way for a while means that if I want some then I have to be the one providing it. This actually suits me fine, I usually love the contact with another person, touching and being touched but at the moment I need this alone space.

All of this got me thinking about pleasure and responsibility of enjoyment. Having grown up in a very religious family with parents who are not openly affectionate, and a date rape when I was younger meant that it took me ages to accept that my sexuality is okay. I have always been fairly willing to try stuff and am quite open but there was always a little piece of me holding back.

If I think how much I have changed since my teens and 20’s to now and how much more I enjoy sex as I have gotten older. A big part I think is learning self pleasure, as one friend said you can’t expect someone else to know what you like if you don’t know yourself.

Yet there is still a huge social stigma about women and masturbation and even around talking about sex. We want great sex but we are often don’t take responsibility that this as much our job as our partners, we need to know what we like and be able to communicate it to them.

I think I need to expand me toy collection. If only they were not so damn expensive!

So questions:
women: how do you feel about telling your partner what you like?
men: do you like it when your woman communicates her needs and knows her own body?