home?

We were in Pretoria for Christmas with my parents. I lived in that house with them when I returned to South Africa and it is a place the kids and I feel very comfortable. I grew up in Pretoria and spent most of my life there, it still to a certain extent feels like home. Christmas with my parents was very familiar and full of our family traditions. I even got to see my sister briefly. Friends and kids visited and played in the garden and pool just like we did before. It was very relaxing

Landing back in Cape Town on old years eve was actually quite strange, as much as I love Cape Town and our house and the life we have here, I am still most familiar with Pretoria. It has taken a while to settle back in and I think the kids have felt this too. But going to the beach today to walk the dog and play was lovely. I really really love where we live and have so many plans for our house.

I am sure in time Cape Town will feel more and more like home. but Pretoria always has a special place in my heart.

Christmas without her

To my dear Annatjie, Yme, Jacques and  Wouter

Christmas time, a time of family, presents, love and laughter, but also sadness.

Someone with a vibrance as big as Natasha leaves a huge hole. The first Christmas without her, feels surreal like soon she will phone to discuss presents or get excited about gifts for the kids.

She loved spoiling them, Rachel and Caleb were not even related and yet she loved them and spoilt them as much as any Aunt. She would have gone so overboard at Titus’s first Christmas.

I choose to remember last year and the secret Santa gifts, the dancing wind up penis and boobs. She was happy and laughed so much. I am so glad we got to have that last Christmas with her.

I love you all, and am sad for the pain you all feel this year. You are not alone, we still walk this road and remember her, keeping the memory alive together.

All my love
Pinky

P.S. Natasha damn we really do miss you!

Christmas done and dusted

I am painful aware that my last blog post was not very positive about Christmas and I really need to add this one as the day was so much better than expected. A good friend, who would have been alone for Christmas, came and spent it with us. I just focused on the kids and they had a really wonderful time. here are a few snaps of our day.

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No need to stop

just keep walking right on by, as I am going to have a little meltdown here. They are never pretty so not worth stopping for. But I know rubber necking can be tempting, so for those that stay and read I am sorry.

– this is our first Christmas post separation from ex, it is not our first alone as he was on the rigs over Christmas before, but this time it is different. It is significant and sad
– I am lucky to have my parents around even if everything comes with a price.
– Ex is going to be alone for Christmas and while we did not make a very good husband and wife team at all, he is a good dad and made such a big effort last year with flour snow foot prints and the works, I am sad he is alone. I feel guilty in a way but know that in the long run it is for the best.
– I have never really had to worry about money before, yes we were always careful and there was not an endless supply but now it is just not there. Dealing with Christmas and no money has not been fun.
– I love my kids more than breathing but Rachel and I are fighting a lot and I am worried it is going to ruin our Christmas.
– I need a few more small things for Caleb, I have a few big things for him but his sister has more small stuff to open. I so do not feel like facing the shops again tomorrow.
– It took 5 shops for me to find Christmas crackers! and then they were crap in the end and I might as well not have bothered.
– This is the first Christmas in my whole 32 year existence that the day has no religious meaning for me at all, it is weird.
– I need to get to bed earlier so I cope better, I am tired.
– I want to read the awesome book Aequitas gave me for Christmas but I can hardly keep my eyes open long enough to finish this.
-I plan to read a lot in Cape Town.
– I did not expect Christmas to be this hard.
– Tomorrow is dedicated to crafts with the kids cleaning and tidying, we will have our Christmas dinner in the evening of 24th but will do presents on 25 as is proper.
– I miss Aequitas
– I want Christmas to be over.

all done, sorry about that, will try be awesome again tomorrow

We are all ready for Christmas

I remember the most exciting thing to do each morning in December was to leap out of bed and check the advent calender my mom had made each of us. The presents were always tiny, a pencil, a chocolate, a coin etc but knowing she went to the effort to make them and buy all the little gifts to count down the days to Christmas with us in this special way is a memory that I will remember for ever.

It is a tradition that I now do with my kids, first Rachel and now this year Caleb is old enough to have his own advent calender which I made for him yesterday all ready for 1 December. I had fun shopping for the tiny gifts that will fill each tiny sock as we count down to Christmas together. This has been a big year of change for the 3 of us and while being a single mom is not easy and I know there are things they need in the future I might not be able to provide, for now we have survived and we are stronger and we are happy.

The calendars on my bed with example’s of the stuff that will go into them
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advent calendar

On the cupboard with today’s gift – they woke at 5am to get it!!
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Then we put up the Christmas Tree
kids helping with  Christmas tree

Rachel and Christmas Tree

pink hair girl and tree

My mom got the kids each one of these from Canada, they are now no more 🙁 they kids took them off the tree when playing tody and they got smashed
snow globe Caleb

Rachel Christmas Tree Decoration

All I want for Christmas

I had a whole list of geeky things that I wanted for Christmas, I am surprised by how rapidly I am embracing my inner geek. I wanted a GPS, new phone, better laptop, iPod etc etc the list goes on and on, that was until today. Now there is only one thing I want for Christmas! How totally awesome are these?

Pink Doc Martens

Pink Docs

I am in love!