Doing it on my own

So I have always thought of myself as a fairly independent free thinking woman who can do most things. Well it has only taken leaving an 8 year marriage to see that perhaps I was a little too dependent. Since leaving there are things I have had to or still need to do on my own. Some things are really simple, some I will just learn and some I will just out source – I am never going to mow lawn or wash my own car!

These steps to independence are rather daunting though but the scariest thing is how much control of my life I was willing to give to someone else. To be honest as I face these things the usual feeling is panic, but the euphoria once it is done and I can tick it off the list and say ‘actually that was really not so bad’ is great.

So to date the stuff I have had to do alone includes:

– getting my own internet banking and learning to do EFT’s myself instead of saying please pay so-and-so.

– driving around town centre to find customs and excise office to sign for our shipping arriving from the UK.

-fix the computer when some random virus notice appeared.

Okay the done list is not long – the To Do one is way longer but if I am totally honest I am putting a lot of them off, baby steps.

– find a decent second hand car (I am clueless about cars so think this may be one to be outsourced)

-put my desktop together, like physically plug the whole thing together – no stop laughing, I have never done this before, I have been assured that there is only one hole for everything and that it is simple, but I have given up believing computer geeks about what is actually simple and what is not. But I am willing to give it one bash and then it will be outsourced but on a ‘teach me so I can do it next time’ basis

– teach my son to pee standing up

-fix stuff, everything was left for ‘daddy’ to fix, but with staying on the same property as my parents, my daughter just rolls her eyes if I say I can’t fix it and she says ‘Bumpa will fix it’ ( she could not say Gr as a young child so Grandpa became Bumpa)

-knowing what to do with the computer when it breaks, how to back up stuff, what programs are on it and what I need to keep it all functioning.

– For all DIY I have Dad or there are actually quite a few things I can do myself. When the shipping arrives there is a lot of flat packed book cases and stuff – I guess the Allen key and I are going to be friends.

– driving, yes I know I can drive but if we were all together He always drove. Besides being totally directionally challenged this is one I can do, I just don’t like it all that much. On second thought though being driven is not worth the atmosphere that was in car most of the time, the bickering, the anger, the staring out the window with folded arms feeling like there was no escape.

-putting music on my ipod, I have been assured this is easy.

– figuring my running watch and foot pod thing out so it records my training and then transfers the info onto the computer.

I could go on and on but my point is, like the pink hair reminds me to be true to myself, doing each little thing I learn to do on my own restores my sense of self and my ability to cope on my own.