I went with Annatjie to fetch the ashes last Friday. A strange experience. Annatjie amazes me with her strength and ability to cope and keep her composure at times when I am sure you would be scrapping me off the floor as a blubbering mess. I just kept thinking, no mother should have to do this.
The family now have to decide what to do with the ashes. Natasha never said what she wanted, but what 27 year old does! It got me thinking, I know that anything that happens to us after death or in commemoration of our death is for the people left behind. Yet there is a sense of helping with closure if you feel you can follow things the person wanted.
Not that I think it should become a burden for families to fulfil requests. Like getting all family together for scattering ashes when they live in different corners of the earth. It is not something that really makes any difference to the person that is gone, so it should only be followed in as much as it is useful to those who stay behind. I hope that makes sense.
After that long ramble, the blog challenge is hard and in fact I expect very few to do it. But I wanted a place to leave my wishes so though it might trigger others to want to do the same. I am not nominating anyone, this is a personal choice. I needed a place to write this down and here seemed as good as any.
To those who love me
These are my wishes should I die.
I want to be cremated. Although Yme has slightly messed with my plans. He wants to be buried under an Apple tree on a farm he wants to own. So, if we have said farm and he is under the Apple tree I would quite like to join him, or if he is alive and would like to join me one day then the Apple tree it is. I just do not want to be in a graveyard. They are for dead people and I never want the emphasis of my memory to be on the death.
If we have no farm and I am creamated I would like to be scattered on the beach or somewhere I thought was beautiful. Please not out at sea, I after all only liked getting my feet wet. Be guided by where we lived at the time and what was special to me. Don’t make a special pilgrimage the only thing that matters is that the place reminds you of the alive me.
I would prefer the funeral not to be in a church, that would see hypocritical, but if it easier to organise, so be it. Most crematoriums have an area that can be used. No prayers, hymns etc please. Play music I loved or music that helps you remember and heal. I would like it to be a time of remembering the alive me. I don’t want anyone to talk if it is hard for them but would like friends and family to share special moments.
Involve my children in an age appropriate way with love and support. They don’t have to say anything but maybe they can make or draw something. Again this will change as they get older.
I was raised with a social conscience and to help improve the lives of others. I would really like my funeral to have the chance to be meaningful. Donations to a charity, or a food, clothes and blankets collection.
I love flowers, have a few, but what would make me really happy was if you planted trees. I was after all a green hippy at heart. It does not have to be a big group activity but do it in small groups or just in your garden to celebrate the circle of life.
Most of all carry on living, be great, dream big, have ideas and passions like you know I would have. When someone dies it is indescribably sad but if it cripples us we do their memory an injustice as they live through our memories. Talk and laugh about me often.