Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

When my marriage fell apart and I decided to walk away I had to get to the place where I felt okay with this. My ex will always want to throw in my face that I did not give it another chance, and that I did not try. I know I tried for 8 years, I know I begged and pleaded long before I left, for us to get help and try fix things. I waked away knowing in my heart that I made the right choice, and that no amount of fixing or trying would change the fact that we were ill suited in the beginning.

I have to deal with him telling the kids, that I broke up our family, and that it was my fault, and I would not try. I had to deal with him becoming like a saint overnight and trying to show my friends and family, that he was different and that I was the bad one for leaving – his saintly behaviour never lasted long, as I predicted, but there was a time that I had to cope with being the only person that thought I made the right decision leaving. I understand people’s intentions and their desire to make sure that I was doing the right thing. It is never good to break up a family, but sometimes it is worse to stay.

I felt guilty for leaving, but in a way was so glad to be free, then felt guilty about feeling glad to be out and not trying. It was a vicious cycle. I am now in the place I know I did the right thing. I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I landed up in that position in the first place and I have forgiven my mistakes too. I hope lessons have been learnt and most of all I hope that I can pass these lessons on to my kids.

6 thoughts on “Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

  1. It takes strength to know when enough is enough and when to walk away.
    I admire that you knew when that was and had the conviction to stand by what you had decided!

  2. You know what you want, You took hold of what you wanted, you made it happen. At the time I’m sure you didn’t know it was the right thing. How empowering to know you listened to your instincts and you got it right.

    Way to Go!!

  3. “I know I tried for 8 years, I know I begged and pleaded long before I left, for us to get help and try fix things. I waked away knowing in my heart that I made the right choice, and that no amount of fixing or trying would change the fact that we were ill suited in the beginning.”

    I think that it takes tremendous strength to walk away from something as huge as a marriage. I admire you for trusting your instincts and putting yourself and ultimately your kids first.
    xxx

  4. Pingback: Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. » The Blog From Hell

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