Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

When my marriage fell apart and I decided to walk away I had to get to the place where I felt okay with this. My ex will always want to throw in my face that I did not give it another chance, and that I did not try. I know I tried for 8 years, I know I begged and pleaded long before I left, for us to get help and try fix things. I waked away knowing in my heart that I made the right choice, and that no amount of fixing or trying would change the fact that we were ill suited in the beginning.

I have to deal with him telling the kids, that I broke up our family, and that it was my fault, and I would not try. I had to deal with him becoming like a saint overnight and trying to show my friends and family, that he was different and that I was the bad one for leaving – his saintly behaviour never lasted long, as I predicted, but there was a time that I had to cope with being the only person that thought I made the right decision leaving. I understand people’s intentions and their desire to make sure that I was doing the right thing. It is never good to break up a family, but sometimes it is worse to stay.

I felt guilty for leaving, but in a way was so glad to be free, then felt guilty about feeling glad to be out and not trying. It was a vicious cycle. I am now in the place I know I did the right thing. I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I landed up in that position in the first place and I have forgiven my mistakes too. I hope lessons have been learnt and most of all I hope that I can pass these lessons on to my kids.