I have been debating writing this blog post, but my compulsion to share things and get things out is what makes me who I am, Yme knows that. He, although very private, lets me talk and share and write as much as I need, and that is one of the reasons I love him so much. While we might be different, the understanding and acceptance of those differences, makes this work.
Okay so what do I not want to wait for? Well, I am not good at waiting for anything actually, patients is not my strong suit. Whereas Yme is infinitely patient and can plan and wait for what he wants for ages. I know it is not the right time and especially with the baby on the way and having a budget that does not cover all the basics at the moment, but I can’t help it. I want to get married.
Yes I know it is silly and not worth rushing but I can’t help it. We have talked about it and realistically it is not going to happen for quite a few YEARS but it does not stop me looking at friends pictures on FB of weddings and feeling really jealous. I pass bridal magazines and I have to stop myself looking at them. Well to be honest there might or might not be one in the back of my clothes cupboard.
I am sure 2nd weddings are all supposed to be low key and tasteful but I want the whole nine yards, not that it has to be big or expensive but I want to it be special. I have found the person that I love with all my heart, with a love I never knew possible. I have watched him join our chaotic family and take on a huge amount of responsibility with real maturity and strength. I want a day to show everyone how I feel about him.
Funny these were never the thoughts at my 1st wedding. The first time it just seemed like the right time, we were marrying age and had been together for a while and I wanted kids and to move life along as it should be – so stupid looking back. It was fun planning but it was more about the planning and so little about loving the person I was marrying. I am totally convinced that neither of us ever loved the other one. We settled for what we thought was as good as it gets.
But the bottom line is there is just no money for a wedding and there will not be for a long long time. Does not stop my heart yearning and wishing it could be now that I could shout to the world how much I love this man.
what are your thoughts on 2nd marriages?
what are you finding hard to wait for in your life at the moment?