Lonely

Now that is not a word that I thought I would be saying once I was in a relationship and happy, but there it is. I am really lonely. In a very different way than before, I am not alone in a relationship sense. I have Yme and we talk and we do stuff and it is good, that part of me that wanted to sharing something with someone is fulfilled but I left a lot of other support behind.

This is going to sound like such a moaning feeling sorry for myself post and it is not intended as such, it is just feelings that I have inside and for me the best thing to do with my feelings is to write them down. I hope by getting them out I will feel a little less like I am going to burst into tears. Yes I know most of it can just be take with a pinch of pregnant hormone salt, but it does not make it feel any less acute.

I am a social person. I do not need large groups or to be the center of a crowd, in fact I can be quite shy until I know people better, but what I do need is a group of close friends around me who I see quite often and develop a close bond with. I like the village idea of raising kids, I think having people come and go regularly in a child’s life is good,

In Pretoria we stayed in a house next door to my parents we saw them everyday, when my mom was not working away from home she would take the kids for a few hours to play with them, read to them and just generally be a cool granny. My dad would help bath them in the evenings and read to them and cuddle them. My domestic was there 3 times a week, giving me chance to get my hair done or go to the post office without the kids in tow all the time, and most importantly a chance to get some work done. I could afford her because my parents did not charge me rent ( yes I was very very luck I know, I would never have made that year without my parents unwaivering support)

Then my awesome friend and business partner Barbara and I saw each other at least twice a week where we would discuss business, life, relationships, kids and just general girl gossip. We are very different but it is sometime really nice to get a different point of view and out kids have been friends since birth. They play so well together they disappear off 2 by 2 the big ones together and the younger ones together and they play so nicely. We used to swap kids a couple of times a week so we each got a chance to get stuff done. We watched chick flicks together, like Sunshine Cleaners and Twighlight that no one else would want to watch. Our kids slept over at each other often and were very comfortable being at each others houses.

Laura would pop in a couple of times a week after work, we did things together on the weekend, even if it was just a picnic in the park so the kids could play and we could get out a bit. Wine afternoons and braai’s in Ansie’s garden with her boys was always fun. Barbara and Laura and their gangs would also be there.

Sharon and her son would drop in and even after they moved to Badplaas we still saw them at least once a month. Coffee and chat with Sharon and catching up on all the comings and goings in peoples lives was fun. It is these sort of social interactions that feed my soul. I love seeing my friends and relaxing and chatting and being there. These woman were there for me through some incredibly tough times and I miss them.

I know it would not be the same if we were there. Yes my family and their support would still be there, but Barbara has moved and Sharon has moved but boy I miss these people.

People have been very kind in CT but the same kind of close support and seeing each other all the time is not here in Cape Town for us yet. I know it will take time for us to meet people and to find friends that we can see often. I guess having my good friend Ghilraen here this week has reminded me how lonely my weeks usually are. It is just me and the kids most days. Ghilraen is in PE but was my sanity in the UK we lived close by and saw each other most days, we also stood with each other through some tough times together. I have cried, laughed, smiled, been heart broken, been happy and seen life and death with these women and I miss them.

I hope in time we find such people here in CT because I don’t do well alone. I am a talker I need to talk and moan and laugh and share, always make the burden of being a parent easier. Being alone all day with 2 small people all day and one beings to loose perspective a bit.

Moan over, shopping to do…