Black and white – it is easier when you are 5

I am dating someone else, there I said it. Phew. If I have learned anything it is that life does not come in nicely tidy boxes, it happens in total chaos and sometimes the timing could not look worse. I have not known how to write this blog, how not to be the badie, but maybe I am. But I can not longer not blog about it, this is my space, I have always said I write because I have to, and now is no exception.

I overheard Rachel asking my dad if the world was made of opposites. Then they discussed big and small, fast and slow etc. Listening to their happy chatter my brain went off on a totally different track. It is so easy to be black and white about things when you are 5, there are still absolutes. In a kids world things are usually one thing or another. As I get older though there seems to be a lot less black and white and a hell of a lot more grey.

Is the opposite of good, bad? Is it always that clear cut? I am sure you have all heard a story of the girl/guy who broke up with your friend ( or maybe even you) and then a few weeks later they were dating someone else and our usual response is to be mad and wonder: How could they be so insensitive? Did the other person not mean anything to them? We sympathise with our friend and say bitch/bastard and lots of head shaking goes on.

But because life is so seldom black and white, what happens when it is you? When you are the bad one. So I blogged about the relationship with Aequitas ending and as much as he was a fantastic person and he gave me so much, I healed and grew and relaxed with him, there was nothing I could do to stop it not being right. I tried to ignore the niggly feelings but I could not. It was never my intention to hurt him – I was told intentions are meaningless and maybe that is true. But relationships come with risk and I truly did not picture the end like it was at all.

But, and there is always a but in a grey world, an unexpected turn. There is a friend who has stood by me through a lot of stuff, someone who effortlessly gives me energy and knows what to say, when. I liked him the first time I met him ages ago but never thought the feelings were returned. We had been twitter friends before that and started chatting after I needed computer help as always. We get on like a house on fire. Well the timing was bad to discover feelings for each other straight after I had just ended a relationship. We decided not to pursue it. But sometimes no matter how hard you try things just grow and I think because we have been such close friends for so long, the rest just happened so easily.

So there you have it, I am that girl. The one who is dating so soon, the one who must have a heart of stone and not care for the person I ended it with – well actually no, nothing could be further from the truth. Just sometimes life happens, feels grow even when they should not. Hate me, bad mouth me, think I am crazy and irrational and mad for following my heart so soon. But as much as I knew things were not right before, I know that they are this time. I have never ever felt this way about anyone before.

24 thoughts on “Black and white – it is easier when you are 5

  1. I don’t think you’re mad or irrational at all! I think it’s wonderful πŸ™‚
    Partly because you’re not afraid to feel that way about someone “so soon”, which I actually don’t think it too soon

  2. When there’s something just *different* about them.. well fuckit.. go for happiness. Life is too short to be anything other than happy! My folks have been unhappily married for 25 years. Do they think they’ll have a do-over?

  3. The heart feels, its not something that can be (or should be) controlled.
    Its unfortunate that some people may feel hurt but the bottom line is that you are happy. If this is meant to be then it will be, no force on earth can stop how we love!

  4. I am soooooo happy for you πŸ™‚ *hugz* you are a brave, kind, caring, courageous, strong, gentle wonderful woman:) Don’t ever stop being you.

  5. Agree with Gina – the heart should not and cannot be controlled. As well as “the bottom line is that you are happy”. You only get to “pass this way but once”…make sure you are true to you…

  6. I’m from the other spectrum of grey where I’m best friends with your new love… All I can say is that you’ve made life complete for him and despite what other people say about your previous relationship, I’ll always be grateful that he now has someone. Xxx

  7. I know all about following your heart… it’s the only way to be.
    Just remember that your head has a purpose too.

    Life is short… enjoy it while you can… but there are consequences to our actions. Dealing with those consequences can make life feel unbearably long and difficult. But it passes. Life goes on. People soon find something else to talk about. In the end, all that’s left is you. So you might as well be happy, right? πŸ˜‰

    So go for it… enjoy the ride… just take care of you.

  8. Does following your heart make you bad? If so, then I’m afraid that I am BAD too. Some people will say bad things, but who cares? They are not your real friends if they don’t stand by you. πŸ™‚

  9. My friend, you always have and always will make your decisions in the best interests of your children. If their mom is happy, they will be happy. You are being responsible and careful, there is no reason why you cannot be happy as well. I’m happy for you xxx

  10. You are who you are and you are different from the next person. You make decisions based on what you think is best and what will make you happy. No one should judge you for that. πŸ™‚ Have a happy Easter.

    PS: You shouldn’t be hiding and staying off twitter and fb as a result. Be proud of your decisions. πŸ™‚

  11. giggling at the ‘phew’ =P – just be happy Sal, sometimes what others think should not come into play when it is about YOUR life and love. xx

  12. Your heart is not a light switch, you don’t get to turn it on or off when you feel like it. I am very happy for you, good on you for following your heart. I always say good friends never judge πŸ™‚ and I try hard not to let others gossip and opinions effect me!

  13. First writing, then reading the others comments. I am glad there is love in your life, again. And no, your not the baddy, just very lucky to have another chance. And even while some might think its to soon, most people will be glad for you.

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