No need to stop

just keep walking right on by, as I am going to have a little meltdown here. They are never pretty so not worth stopping for. But I know rubber necking can be tempting, so for those that stay and read I am sorry.

– this is our first Christmas post separation from ex, it is not our first alone as he was on the rigs over Christmas before, but this time it is different. It is significant and sad
– I am lucky to have my parents around even if everything comes with a price.
– Ex is going to be alone for Christmas and while we did not make a very good husband and wife team at all, he is a good dad and made such a big effort last year with flour snow foot prints and the works, I am sad he is alone. I feel guilty in a way but know that in the long run it is for the best.
– I have never really had to worry about money before, yes we were always careful and there was not an endless supply but now it is just not there. Dealing with Christmas and no money has not been fun.
– I love my kids more than breathing but Rachel and I are fighting a lot and I am worried it is going to ruin our Christmas.
– I need a few more small things for Caleb, I have a few big things for him but his sister has more small stuff to open. I so do not feel like facing the shops again tomorrow.
– It took 5 shops for me to find Christmas crackers! and then they were crap in the end and I might as well not have bothered.
– This is the first Christmas in my whole 32 year existence that the day has no religious meaning for me at all, it is weird.
– I need to get to bed earlier so I cope better, I am tired.
– I want to read the awesome book Aequitas gave me for Christmas but I can hardly keep my eyes open long enough to finish this.
-I plan to read a lot in Cape Town.
– I did not expect Christmas to be this hard.
– Tomorrow is dedicated to crafts with the kids cleaning and tidying, we will have our Christmas dinner in the evening of 24th but will do presents on 25 as is proper.
– I miss Aequitas
– I want Christmas to be over.

all done, sorry about that, will try be awesome again tomorrow

12 thoughts on “No need to stop

  1. ((hugs)) Sally, sorry you re going thru a tough time. But you know I am often envious of the amount of time you are able to give to your kids and you never ever seem to get irritated or annoyed with them…(like I so often do lol). That is worth more to them then any gift….promise! but yes, I just want christmas to be over too!

  2. Megan and I also fight a lot and it can be so very frustrating. Intelligent, headstrong daughters are a mighty challenge!

    Hope you guys have an awesome Christmas in spite of everything.

  3. The ‘firsts’ are the kak-est. Purely because you are once again reminded that the dream you dreampt with that person is entirely over and fucked…. If you want the divorce or not, you once wanted that person… and that life… and now, there is none of that… and it is sad, scary and full of raw emotions. Been there and it does get better.

    I use to be super religious… then I got divorced a second time and religion, God and all things church left me. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever find me again, but I am empty.

    This too… shall pass. x

  4. Oh dear my friend. As much as I wish and as hard as I try I can’t make it better, less sore, or more meaningful. But I’m thinking of you. And since you are not able, I will pray for you too – I know you won’t mind 🙂 Lots of love and hugs to you and your special babies. Don’t worry about your fights with Rachel, it’s age appropriate and it will get worse before it gets better. But it does get better – promise.

  5. (((HUGS))) seriously crap crackers are just fine for the kids… they don’t know any better 😉
    I’m sure the kids will love Xmas and make it special for you. I saw this on another blog jsut now, and it’s perfect for you today:
    Love is what’s in the room at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.

  6. thank you my friends you guys carry me.
    I know the kids will have fun and it will be wonderful to watch their faces – Jeanette I am going to stop and listen because in so many ways I am blessed beyond belief, I have my family around me this Christmas.

  7. I had no idea 🙁 I was so caught up in myself and my plans I didnt hear you properly when we were there. I am sorry. My head really has been in the clouds lately.

    I hope it was ok in the end. It gets easier.

    All of it – the Christmases, the money – really it does.

    Love you!

  8. I remember the Christmas I met my Glugster… I had actually officially cancelled it for myself and my knucklehead when he bowled me off my feet.
    Big hugs girl, I hope it went better than you thought it would.

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