No need to stop

just keep walking right on by, as I am going to have a little meltdown here. They are never pretty so not worth stopping for. But I know rubber necking can be tempting, so for those that stay and read I am sorry.

– this is our first Christmas post separation from ex, it is not our first alone as he was on the rigs over Christmas before, but this time it is different. It is significant and sad
– I am lucky to have my parents around even if everything comes with a price.
– Ex is going to be alone for Christmas and while we did not make a very good husband and wife team at all, he is a good dad and made such a big effort last year with flour snow foot prints and the works, I am sad he is alone. I feel guilty in a way but know that in the long run it is for the best.
– I have never really had to worry about money before, yes we were always careful and there was not an endless supply but now it is just not there. Dealing with Christmas and no money has not been fun.
– I love my kids more than breathing but Rachel and I are fighting a lot and I am worried it is going to ruin our Christmas.
– I need a few more small things for Caleb, I have a few big things for him but his sister has more small stuff to open. I so do not feel like facing the shops again tomorrow.
– It took 5 shops for me to find Christmas crackers! and then they were crap in the end and I might as well not have bothered.
– This is the first Christmas in my whole 32 year existence that the day has no religious meaning for me at all, it is weird.
– I need to get to bed earlier so I cope better, I am tired.
– I want to read the awesome book Aequitas gave me for Christmas but I can hardly keep my eyes open long enough to finish this.
-I plan to read a lot in Cape Town.
– I did not expect Christmas to be this hard.
– Tomorrow is dedicated to crafts with the kids cleaning and tidying, we will have our Christmas dinner in the evening of 24th but will do presents on 25 as is proper.
– I miss Aequitas
– I want Christmas to be over.

all done, sorry about that, will try be awesome again tomorrow