Right now I am happy, yes you read right. Sally-Jane’s emo blog has the word happy on it. I am, and you know the strangest part is that I am not anywhere near the place I thought I would be when I typed those words. But events of the past few weeks have brought some clarity.
I know that I need time and space to heal. I need to examine how and why I got my self into the place I did and the events in my life since leaving my marriage. One thing I know is that I am not good at being alone. Luckily for me I am surrounded by the most awesome friends that a girl could ask for, they hold me up. I really mean that, without them I would not survive even one day.
Situations and circumstances mean that I am alone, but at the same time I am not, if that makes sense. I need this time to sort out my life get to a place where I am independent and where I will never again be at a disadvantage like I was after my marriage ended. I realize that I need to learn the difference between being more in control of my life and total bloody minded independence for independence sake. I must not do it at the cost of cutting people off and I need to learn to accept help when I need not do stuff just to prove that I could do it ALL by myself.
So these are the things I need that people give me in my life right now
– I need the single moms who shows such amazing strength and show me it can be done
– I need my amazing business partner and very very close friend Barbara, I have no idea how I will ever cope without her being around
– I need the bench where I can sit and look at the beauty and calm and find a way to bring it into my life.
– I need the happy, even when it is slightly more complicated than intended and boundaries are getting blurred
– I need the awesome, the big dreams and the huge ideas and the art of friendship
– I need people to expect the best from me and help me to achieve it and never settle for mediocre
– I need love
I know that the future is going to be hard and that there are so many things that I have to face and do in the coming year but if I focus on all of that now I think I might pull the covers over my head and not get out of bed. Rather what I choose to focus on are the moments of joy, laughter, comfort, peace and happiness that I share with the amazing people in my life. I will let the happy feed my soul and make the journey ahead a little easier.