I stood on my balcony tonight and I thought I am not without hope and I do believe that the dream will be real one day. I don’t want to give the impression that I am without hope. It is just sometimes when you want something badly you can open yourself up to the dream sooner than it is ready to be a reality.
I think this is what I was trying to say the other night. It is not that I do not believe it is just that sometimes when you think the dream is within your grasp and really it is not that it can hurt you to hope.
Conversation is amazing, the power of words and ideas never ceases to fill me with awe. People can have such a profound effect on your life just by saying things that make you think or that challenge where you are at. One conversation today made me think about me. Why I draw people to me so easily. I think it is because I am a very honest and open person, people feel drawn to the energy or something. I like who I am a lot. There is very little self doubt really. Does that make me sound arrogant? Maybe but it is not. I know who I am and I like me, I have a lot to give. I am a giver my nature. I want to be needed, I am a nurse after all. it means we come with a slightly pathological desire to be needed 😉 Until someone is ready to be in my life totally and to want all of me as imperfect as I am, I need to be careful of those I draw to me.
But I am okay, I am enough just as I am. I smiled while I stood there tonight in the quiet with my glass of wine and thought how luck I am and how many fantastic people I have in my life. True beautiful amazing people. Some people are never as luck as to have so many great friends. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have a group of friends that will do anything for me. Not everyone has that, and I never ever want to take that for granted.
If I tell you how corny I was tonight, just smile and know that I am okay. I stood there and I did the titanic pose, you know the one she does with her arms thrown up in the arm as if embracing all that the world has to offer, sure I had no Leonardo DiCaprio behind me but it did not matter. I am lucky and blessed just as I am. I had a good giggle at myself.
Someone told me you have to ‘Love like you have never been hurt.’ I thought it sounded impossible but you know it is true. Love is always a risk but it is so worth every minute. I know how truly wonderful it can feel and how it is everything they say it is and more.
So this is my letter to the Universe
You know how lonely I feel at times and how much I would love to share this great joy I have for life with someone else. I know that I have the ability to draw people to me. Please help me to see what I can give to them and what they need. But until I find the one that is ready for all of me, my big emotions and chaotic life, please guard my heart, but never so much that I miss the chance to risk all for love.