I love being a woman

Boys looks away now, be warned what follows is lots of TMI female stuff!
No really I did warn you so if you are forever traumatized by my graphic details then it is not my fault. On the other hand maybe you should read and learn.

So now I love being a woman, I know the men think that they are really cool with their urinary tract extending to the outside. I only had to watch my son sitting on my bed after our shower this morning, grinning from ear to ear while he had a good old fiddle with himself, to know that they are really proud of their external genitalia, and he is only 2. I really have no penis-envy at all. You can have them and love them and all the rest, I am very happy being a girl.

But some day, just some day I wish that what went with the territory was not quite so crap. Periods have never been a big deal in my life, I was regular and normal and did not really suffer much, but then I had 2 wonderful children and all changed. I now have the most ridiculously heavy cycles. I use a Mooncup during my period and they are the best thing ever, no really ever ever ever. Okay now to paint the picture of what I mean when I say heavy. Normal blood loss during a cycle is 35ml the normal range being 10-80ml. The mooncup holds 30mls. During my first fews days I can fill it in about 2 hours!! You do the maths, I lose more in a few hours than some people in there whole period. This delightful curse is called Menorrhagia my mom got it after us and eventually landed up have a hysterectomy.

It is not just this torrent like a blood river that I get, I have the delightful clots and excruciating pain. The pain is so intense the first few days that I can’t stand up straight, I have to take strong anti-inflammatory medication just to function normally. It feels like my insides want to become outsides. It is not dissimilar to early labour pains – ja it is like labour for 2 days every month – fun!

So what can I do? Not a hell of a lot
The pill would help to regulate my cycle but guess what? I can’t take it, I am a migrain sufferer (although I have not had any since I had the kids), I was on the pill for 10 years before and eventually the hormones caused facial paralysis and tingling down my fingers – not good. I will not risk a stroke just to lessen my periods, even though it would be a helpful as a contraceptive too.

I could do the Mirena coil but I hated it last time, it makes you moody and put on weight and besides I really just can’t afford it. Especially since it last for 5 years and at some point in the next 5 years I may have more kids if I meet someone and we decide we want kids together. So it seems a bit of a waste if it costs so much and I might not get the full time benefit anyway. And I have enough on my plate without adding extra moodiness into the mix.

I can take tranexamic acid (Cyklokapron) which is not hormonal but is used for excessive bleeding. This is quite drastic to me as it is a medication I used to recommend for my palliative care patients with bleeding out problems. The association with dying is too closely linked in my mind, I know I am being silly and I might have to take it, but I am holding out.

And well the final option is the hysterectomy but well like I said before I might want to populate the earth a little more and there are few Dr willing to do one on someone so young anyway.

So I guess I just suffer. Sorry about the moan and the TMI, but I just needed to get that off my chest. I am off to go and find some painkillers – please tell me why I thought tonight would be a good night to have friends around for dinner when I can hardly stand? Well that has to do with this mornings blog about needing a distraction. Well wine and laughter will help me think less about my sore insides and my confused brain.

I want my own way!

Yes yes I know that sounds like a spoiled child stamping her feet and I guess it pretty much is. I apparently threw spectacular tantrums as a child. They were dealt with severely as big emotion was not allowed or understood in my family. So I learned to suppress a lot but it does not change the fact that when I can’t do it my way I want to jump up and down. Well no that is not actually true today I want to just be able to talk, to understand more and to support as best I can.

But it is hard when you have have big emotions to sit on the side line and wait. I want to jump in, not part of me all of me. I want to be able to give everything I have and can because it would make someone else life easier. It is not a case of being selfish and just wanting my own way because it benefits me, actually the opposite, at the moment I just really want to be allowed to help some I care about. But they need me not to and it is killing me. I am not patient and long suffering. I am dramatic and over the top.

My mind is racing I am struggling to focus and sit still. Thank goodness for Tanya on line last night. She calmed me and understood me and challenged me. I love my friends.
Plenty of distractions are going to be necessary these next 3 weeks. Anyone got wine?