Cape Town

If I say that I am an excited as a kid in a candy score about going to Cape Town it does not actually begin to descibe how I feel. I have not been away from my kids for a proper holiday ever! I have had the odd night here and there when they have slept over but a whole week of not needing to be a mom has not happened since Rachel was born more than 5 years ago. I am tired, I work mostly at night when the kids are asleep so the hours tend to be really long with not enough sleep. Being a single mom and learning to juggle everything has been hard. Suddenly going from a Stay at Home Mom to needing to make my own living has been challenging – okay that is it for the serious bit of this over I promise, this trip and everything about is is just for fun.

I have wanted to go to Cape Town for ages now, my Gran turned 90 last month so it will be lovely to see her and spend time with her without kids interrupting. My Gran leads a very quiet life and is not around kids often and it means that she gets easily overwhelmed by them as they are little and very exuberant. So my first 2 nights are going to be in Somerset West and spending time with my Gran.

For the rest I am seeing friends, having a photo or 2 taken by André and relaxing. Bring on Tuesday!

Christmas Party


The amazing Laura is organizing this please help if you can I know there are a few more kids who need presents.

As you all know Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat and all that.
Most of us will be spending the festive season with our family and friends. We will eat till we cant stand and give gifts and receive gifts. It will be, for us, a happy time.
As you all also know it isn’t a time of over indulgence for everyone. Some will not open gifts, or eat turkey and spend time laughing with family. It is unfortunately the dark side of life.
BUT we can change that for 60 children of the Othandweni Home by organising a Christmas Party for them!!!
All we need to do is buy each child a gift and organise a little party for them. It is THAT SIMPLE!!!!

Those of us with children know how infectious the excitement of Christmas is aswell as the look on a childs face when opening a gift is priceless. So PLEASE join me and get involved in this – its R100 and a packet of chips or sweets!
You can mail me if you want to be part of this or leave a comment and I will mail you with updates.
The date is now officially the 12 December

Vibrator review for couples – by a guy

So the first contribution is from a guy – well done for being willing to share. Come on ladies we need some from the girls point too. After a discussion on twitter it became even more apparent to me that this is something we need to talk about and share info on.

When pinkhairgirl sent out her request for vibrator reviews to the girls, it occured to me that these days, vibrators are hardly used exclusively for girls wanting a little private time. It’s just as much a part of a happy sex life as a couple (I think). So maybe, it’s time for a review of vibrators from that perspective: what is best to use together with a partner.

I’m sure girl-girl couples have a wider repertoire of course, but this review is written by a straight male, so I’ll be focussing on the toys that work in a heterosexual couple, based on my own experience only.

As it happens, no less than three of my past lovers got their first vibrators after I introduced it to them as part of couple play, I suppose that is not as uncommon as one may think. Like many men of my generation, I grew up masturbating to porn where solo women were usually enjoying toys. Along with sneaking secret reads at cosmo, we came to see vibrators, dildo’s and other sexual toys as just a part of a happy woman’s sex life,
for me, none of the stigma’s formerly associated with them ever really existed, I loved the idea.

The very first time I bought a vibrator, it was with my first serious girlfriend. She was nervous but excited – it was also her first visit to an adult store. I think it helps that the attendant was female, that probably did more to put her at her ease than anything I could have said. We spent nearly an hour browsing the shelves, she was … nervous of anything too unusual, and opted for an smooth-shafted toy.

These are frequently chosen I understand as first-time devices, because they are simply non-threatening. Penis-like but not too much, somewhat more subtle. She loved it, and soon we had two. Her way of using them very quickly evolved into using them together. One for clitoral stimulation, one for penetration. The combination was, according to her, the most ideal sexual stimulation you could get. It generally made her crave a penis to replace the inserted one after a while – which as a couple, is just about the perfect outcome.

The second girl I went toyshopping with, was perhaps even more nervous that first time, but certainly more excited. Once more smooth and simple won the day, but this time – one of the kit-sets with various rubber
sleeves (and a small bullet vibrator included)… we spent a very delightful evening trying out all the attachments. Over time, those would fall into neglect, her prefered method came to be – the bullet with the smooth shaft. It also generated in her a fantasy for the biggest vibrator she could imagine… to be stretched beyond what any man could do.

I bought her that one, it was probably as thick as my fore-arm and would remained one of her favorite toys for years. My advice here, as discovered by accident is that if you want the big stuff, go for the jelly-moulded
ones, their softer feel and texture are much more likely to give pleasure rather than pain. “The big pink toy” as it was known did not only get a lot of action, it had enormous visual appeal to watch for me, and she even
liked to suck on it during sex to live out threesome fantasies.

Of course, toys aren’t only for girls, and along the way, I always tried to encourage girls to pick one out for me as well – thus far, without success. Most girls even if they were open to the idea of their man also using toys, seemed to dislike the idea of anything that can be penetrated (perhaps they felt threatened). Only one such toy was ever bought with a girl’s approval (it’s nice though, if you want to spoil your boy – the jelly-like
hand-held vagina’s are nice – and I’ve heard very good things about the fleshlight range, though I haven’t tried them myself yet).

Toys are also, one of the best ways to introduce a nervous but eager girl to the joys of anal play, furhtermore if the man is not homophobic… it’s one of the few things that can be really shared in the toy-store (obviously, proper care should be taken for higiene and safety reasons, using toys well-cleaned with condoms etc. as appropriate to the specific kind). Anal-beads feel amazing to both genders, as do buttplugs, and if she’s really aggressive and you are openminded enough… a strap-on buttplug can be a wonderful way to
reverse the roles a little 😉

The most recent toy I bought for a girl, was with somebody whose eagerness was completely overshadowed by feelings of catholic guilt and shyness… she wanted nothing to do with the selection process. So I made the choice, referring to numerous other reviews – I opted for what is roundly and repeatedly rated the best of the best. The rabbit/dolphin type with an attachment on top to provide clitoral stimulation. It soon became one of her favorite posessions in the world, as soon as she got used to it, she loved it. When she was particularly in the mood, she would really enjoy it inside her vagina during anal sex as well. It has enormous visual appeal for the man, provides that “perfect combination” that since the very first part of this review seems to be a mainstay of what girls seek in toys and because it’s a penetrating one, it’s one a man can use on a woman (obviously – know her responses, and don’t hurt her or go to deep/fast too soon) – which is always a thrill.

I have had more limited experience with other kinds, like the wearable types – but the bit I had was rather dissapointing. While I’m sure many women love them, they seem to be more of a niche-market. One kind though that should never be underestimated is remote controlled ones. “The toy” as it’s known is a remarkable example because it’s bluetooth control means the man you give the control to, could be a country away. The idea of course is to be surprised, a touch of submission, and the joy of orgasms unexpectedly, in the middle of conversations or a board meeting, at his whim.

Some clever inventor really needs to come up with a similar design for men, after all… sometimes we like to be the submissive one too…

So there it goes, my run-down of couple-use toys and what has worked best over the years in my experience. Hopefully, if you’re a couple thinking of your first collective purchase, it will give you some idea of what to look for. I highly recomend the types which are penetrating with a clitoral stimulator as the ideal first-time toys, while most women start off with the smooth, slim variety – they have invariably opted to add a second one for clitoral stimulation within a very short period, it’s just easier and cheaper to get both in one, not to mention that it leaves you with a free hand for when your man invariable starts begging you to touch him too…

Thanks this is much appreciated – Pinkhairgirl

It’s on top

This all started on Angle’s FaceBook and then it went out and populated
I got tagged by Zola237
So you have to post a picture of your desktop.

I used to have a picture of my kids for obvious reason but when I got my disk of photos from Colleen and the boudoir photo shoot she did for me I put this one up. I know it is a little odd to have a picture of yourself on your desktop maybe even a little vain but you have no idea how much those photos have done for me. I was not in a good place about my body after I left my 8 year marriage and since having my boobs done and having the confidence to do the photo shoot I think I might be able to start seeing what others see. It has been a healing process. I should post some more of the great pics Colleen took on the blog actually as I think every woman should do it, no matter what you look like Colleen will make you look and feel like a million bucks. In the mean time some of the shoot can be seen here


I am not going to tag anyone as I think a lot of you have been tagged already but if you have not then please consider yourself tagged and show us what you have on your desktop.

Vibrator reviews – the idea

Female masturbation is not a topic we often talk about but seeing as I am going the BOB ( battery operated boyfriend) route for a while I need a little variety in my life as much as any other sex life does, so it seemed like the perfect time to expand my range of DIY toys.

If like me you have a limited budget, the endless choice of gadgets promising to vibrate, pulse, tickle and tantalize you into mind blowing orgasms can be a little confusing. So I had an idea the best thing ever would be if I could set up a vibrator review service with my personal unbiased recommendations, but I don’t see a whole host of companies knocking at my door asking me to review their sex toys, so I thought maybe we could see who has what and what you recommend and I can post them here on the blog anonymously – unless you don’t mind your name next your review. I will get the pictures and everything and we can link to a site where they can be purchased – gosh they should pay me commission 😉

So come ladies lets share. Can I have a photo if you have one (not in use please, we have to pretend to have some decorum here) and your review. Email them to

Never without the dream

I stood on my balcony tonight and I thought I am not without hope and I do believe that the dream will be real one day. I don’t want to give the impression that I am without hope. It is just sometimes when you want something badly you can open yourself up to the dream sooner than it is ready to be a reality.
I think this is what I was trying to say the other night. It is not that I do not believe it is just that sometimes when you think the dream is within your grasp and really it is not that it can hurt you to hope.

Conversation is amazing, the power of words and ideas never ceases to fill me with awe. People can have such a profound effect on your life just by saying things that make you think or that challenge where you are at. One conversation today made me think about me. Why I draw people to me so easily. I think it is because I am a very honest and open person, people feel drawn to the energy or something. I like who I am a lot. There is very little self doubt really. Does that make me sound arrogant? Maybe but it is not. I know who I am and I like me, I have a lot to give. I am a giver my nature. I want to be needed, I am a nurse after all. it means we come with a slightly pathological desire to be needed 😉 Until someone is ready to be in my life totally and to want all of me as imperfect as I am, I need to be careful of those I draw to me.

But I am okay, I am enough just as I am. I smiled while I stood there tonight in the quiet with my glass of wine and thought how luck I am and how many fantastic people I have in my life. True beautiful amazing people. Some people are never as luck as to have so many great friends. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have a group of friends that will do anything for me. Not everyone has that, and I never ever want to take that for granted.

If I tell you how corny I was tonight, just smile and know that I am okay. I stood there and I did the titanic pose, you know the one she does with her arms thrown up in the arm as if embracing all that the world has to offer, sure I had no Leonardo DiCaprio behind me but it did not matter. I am lucky and blessed just as I am. I had a good giggle at myself.

Someone told me you have to ‘Love like you have never been hurt.’ I thought it sounded impossible but you know it is true. Love is always a risk but it is so worth every minute. I know how truly wonderful it can feel and how it is everything they say it is and more.

So this is my letter to the Universe

Dear Universe
You know how lonely I feel at times and how much I would love to share this great joy I have for life with someone else. I know that I have the ability to draw people to me. Please help me to see what I can give to them and what they need. But until I find the one that is ready for all of me, my big emotions and chaotic life, please guard my heart, but never so much that I miss the chance to risk all for love.


My weekend

This weekend

– I bought my first packet of cigarette in 10 years, and no I am not going to start smoking but I hate bumming smokes and every now and again I feel like I want one. I am quite disappointed in myself but hey. When you only smoke occasionally you still get that cool head rush. At R30 a box though there is no way this can become a habit again.

– I realized again the power of friends, I have GREAT friends. To Tanya, there were nights this week that I would not have gotten through without you, I wish you lived closer but I guess being where you are meant you were awake when I needed someone to chat to. To Barbara for letting me cry and being so amazingly kind, to Laura who always lets me tell my story and offers wise words and to Heather who just understand things no one else does. And to all the others who just quietly support me – I am blessed.

– Right after I posted my blog on guys just wanting me, I got an sms, it was about midnight, from a friend I have not seen in over 5 years. “Dude it is not okay when stoned to ask me for sex especially when you have been married for only 6 months. Don’t play that game, everyone gets hurt – trust me I know.” It did serve to reinforce my idea of being only wanted for one thing.

– I am sticking to a BOB ( battery operated boyfriend) they might not be able to hold you and kiss you which I so badly want but at least they can’t withhold the truth or cheat either. That reminds me I need to get more batteries. Now if I had spare money (like that is going to happen soon) then i would get one of these. I saw it at the sexpo at the Matilda’s stand

But this weekend I did manage to do one positive thing.
I started this mosaic table ages and ages ago but have just not been motivated to finish it, but on Saturday I did. I needed to keep busy.

mosaic butterfly

( I ran out half way and had to dash out to builders quickly)
mosaic,mosaic,butterfly coffee table,mosaic butterfly

mosaic,mosaic,butterfly coffee table,mosaic butterfly

mosaic butterfly

half way through cleaning
mosaic butterfly

mosaic butterfly


Hope is an evil little 4 letter word. I know a lot of you are going to disagree with me when you read this and that is okay. At least my friend Heather understands.

The wikipedia definition: Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

Sounds lovely right? But it is not always true. Very very often the outcome is not positive and we can’t have what we want. All hope does is let you dream that these things might be possible they open you up to happy thoughts about what is very often just not true or possible.

I worked as a palliative care nurse specialist before I had my kids and I have seen, spoken to and sat with many dying people. Many patients hoped for a cure or miracle right to the end, but it did not change the outcome, it often just left them little time to prepare or focus on goodbyes. Not that the reality had to be morbid or even depressing, it just was what it was.

We say ‘I hope xyz’ all the time it never actually has the power to make it happen. For example my son was sick today running a very high fever all day. For most of the afternoon he was in my arms screaming. He is asleep now thank goodness and I can say ‘I hope we will have a good night’ and images of peaceful sleep will be in my mind, in reality it is unlikely we will get a good night sleep. Why tempt yourself with ideas of things than might not happen? Is it not better to be surprised when they do rather than disappointed when they don’t?

I love the Greek Mythology about Hope. It was personified as Elpis. When Pandora opened Pandora’s Box, she let out all the evils except one: hope. Apparently, the Greeks considered hope to be as dangerous as all the world’s evils. But without hope to accompany all their troubles, humanity was filled with despair. It was a great relief when Pandora revisited her box and let out hope as well. It may be worthy to note that in the story, hope is represented as weakly leaving the box but is in effect far more potent than any of the major evils.

This weeks poem was not with the fridge magnet although I did stand there for a while, the problem is that the magnet set I have is is the romance and love one – not ideal at the moment. So a lot of the more morbid words I want are just not there, trusty pen and paper to the rescue.


Hope raised its ugly deceitful head
It opens a securely guarded heart
A ray of light illuminates the dream held deep within
And for a fleeting moment you see that dream
in all its Technicolor mesmerizing beauty

You dare to think,
You try hold back, wanting to protect
but Hope’s opiate elixir so sweet and warm
dulls the part of the head screaming – ‘wait!’
It’s too late the voice is drowned out as Hope’s
effects now course through your veins.

The dreams hope stirs are but a mirage
Reach out and touch them and they all just disappear
The elixir wears off
The vulnerable heart is left open in agony
Hope walks away laughing

want me

I did not have a good day yesterday. Barbara kindly invited me and the kids over to watch movies and patiently listened to my heart ache and offer kind words through my tears.

We watched Sunshine Cleaners.

There was one part where I so identified with the main character, she says ‘I am good at getting men to want me, not to date me or marry me but just to want me’.

Well no more, you either want me, all of me as imperfect as I am or please leave me alone. No I don’t expect marriage proposals and I am wise enough to know that not every date will lead to a relationship, BUT don’t even start to talk to me unless you are serious about the possibility of something more.