Too thin?

Not sure why I feel the need to blog this one but it has been floating around in my head for a while now so it needs to come out. I thought about it on my run and I realized that I like being thin, no I mean I really really like being thin. I have lost a lot of weight since I arrived back in South Africa back in January. As i have said before I am a stress non-eater so when times are tough it is hard for me to eat at all.

I am trying to figure out why every time I get onto the scale and I weigh less I actually quite like the feeling. I know that I am now bordering on getting just a little too thin and that I really should not loose any more weight but still when you weigh that 500g -1kg less it still feels good. Are we so conditioned by our society that loosing weight is always seen as a good thing?

Or is it the one thing that I have control over at the moment when all else feels like it is falling apart? I can control what I eat and if i don’t feel like it then it seems okay to go with that. I don’t feel as bad about eating as I did before, after my chat with D I was more able to get stuff into my mouth and actually swallow it. But I still have no appetite and could quite easily do without eating – well yes i know I could not do without it on a biological level but from a hunger point I could.

My first thought when I was able to eat again was ‘oh no now I will put on weight’ – I am sure that is not normal! So when I started running I thought ‘oh good at least it will help keep the weight off’

Quite a few men in my life over the years have indicated that putting on weight equals a withdrawal of affection. My ex did not like it when I put on weight after my kids. All this rolled in with the fact that I always got positive attention from people when I was younger for being so tall and thin, I think being thin is something I equate with feeling good about myself.

I guess putting this is black and white makes me look at it and the reasons I do things. I am not too thin yet – but i know it would not take much for me to go down that road.

8 thoughts on “Too thin?

  1. The concept of feeling ‘too thin’ is completely foreign to me. I do you think you can be too thin (like Courtney on Survivor China). I do think we’re totally conditioned though. I’m pregnant and get scared every time I need to step on the scale…and even though I KNOW I should not be worrying about my weight…I’m so scared I’m going to be fatter than I was before after the baby is here. Scared to death.

    One thing I feel very out of control of is my weight and I feel like it’s something I will never have a handle on. I get very depressed about it at times and I’m sure as I get older it will start affecting my health.

    So yeah. Be grateful you’re on the ‘almost too thin’ end of things. That is less likely to kill you than being on the other end of the scale.

  2. I feel exactly how you feel. There is only one person in my life who has called me fat that is my mother. However every one else tells me I have the perfect figure some people even say I could benefit with picking up a few KG’s but I lose weight and my clothing sizes get smaller and I feel in control.

  3. Like acidicice this is a foreign concept to me. 😉

    For what it’s worth I think you look great! In general I’d rather focus on feeling healthy rather than thinner, or whatever – weight is just another number. I only started weighing weekly again when I got pregnant, for the first time in yeeeears…and I fully intend stopping it as soon as squishy arrives.

  4. I also wish I was a stress non-eater. I am quite the opposite. When I’m stressed or bored I eat. I’m an emotional eater and stuff my face when I need comfort. Its guilt-ridden and then I yo-yo up and down all the time.

  5. Also a foreign concept to me. I’ve been overweight since I first got married 1991…. it has been a long road of self discovery and I appear to now be on a loosing streak with very hard work and lotsa excercise attached. I weigh myself often and feel scared to pick up a gram!

  6. I agree that society does give a lot of positive reinforcement when a girl/woman loses weight. and since I’ve had weight problems most of my life [ love food and comfor eater too], losing weight for me is associated with a sense of accomplishment and feeling good.
    that said, i learnt right quickly that diets don’t work well for me, so i haven’t been on a diet for more than a decade, and focus mostly on eating very healthily. Only get weighed when I go to see my doctor because the idea of weighing myself regularly frightens me; I think i could get addicted to climbing on a scale and I know i’d stress about it.

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