Years ago I remember sitting in Tings n Times with my sister. I had just come back from a fantastic time living and working in Switzerland and the UK for a year and then touring all around Europe for 6 weeks. Sarah and I were discussing what I wanted in a man and she drew a picture and had all these attributes around it. I wish I could find that picture and have a good laugh now.
After my blog on The Rules and having discussions with friends about what you look for in someone you want to be with, I came to the conclusion that all these things are just a load of rubbish. Yes I know that The Rules one is just a joke and it is funny but we all seem to have these lists or ideas about what makes someone the perfect partner for us. I give up on all this, the lists are being torn up and the idea of my perfect man is being abandoned. I am sure there are some things that are going to make someone instantly more attractive to me than others but I am willing to be more open to surprise, rather than boxing people before I even venture deeper.
I think the problem with lists is that they are cooked up in our little rational heads and so often the head does not really know what the heart and soul truly needs. So how do you know what the heart needs and what to look for ? The simple answer – You don’t! But being open enough to believing your heart and have realistic expectations about what another person can provide in your life is a good start. I am by no means suggesting compromising just being a lot less rational and head driven.
I want the person that makes me happy just being who they are. They don’t have to try, they make me smile and light up my world just by being there. I think the realization that I am a totally fallible human being and that I can in no way live up to anyone else list has made me see that to start with expectations that at some point will be dashed is asking for disaster. No one is going to get it right all the time or even most of the time. I just want the person who loves me enough to try.
I found this poem on a blog I read: I wrote this for you
The Glitter Pheonix Burns Again
I won’t compose prose every morning you open your eyes next to me (I won’t compare you to a summer’s day).
I won’t kiss the tears from your cheeks whenever you cry.
I won’t remember every appointment.
I won’t keep the sheen on my armour.
I won’t know what to say sometimes.
I won’t get your order right.
I’ll be late.
But I’ll write something for you when you least expect it (in summer or winter).
But I’ll hold you as tight as I can whenever I can.
But I’ll burst through the door as soon as I remember.
But I’ll polish it until it shines again.
But I’ll say something anyway.
But I’ll go back and make it right.
But I’ll get there.
But I’ll try.
My good friend D told me about how one day when his girlfriend walked into the room he smiled at her, she just made his face light up. He notice that it had a positive effect on her, knowing she lit up his world. He made a conscious decision not to get USED to the idea of seeing her, so he always smiled because it’s what you do the first time you see someone you love. Now this might sound very calculated and even though there was an element of rational thought – it was a heart decision. She made him happy and smiling at her made her happy.
I know that no one else is responsible for our happiness and that we have to create this ourselves and it is not the idea of relying on the other person for happiness it is that they just bring such joy into your life. The wait begins. I am not seeking I am waiting being open to possibilities.