Pleasure who’s responsibility

I found my vibrator while searching for a necklace yesterday, before going out to dinner with a school friend I had not seen in 20 years. It was in a bag I had not looked in and I even at one point though it might not have been shipped, but it was.

Being alone at the moment and needing to be this way for a while means that if I want some then I have to be the one providing it. This actually suits me fine, I usually love the contact with another person, touching and being touched but at the moment I need this alone space.

All of this got me thinking about pleasure and responsibility of enjoyment. Having grown up in a very religious family with parents who are not openly affectionate, and a date rape when I was younger meant that it took me ages to accept that my sexuality is okay. I have always been fairly willing to try stuff and am quite open but there was always a little piece of me holding back.

If I think how much I have changed since my teens and 20’s to now and how much more I enjoy sex as I have gotten older. A big part I think is learning self pleasure, as one friend said you can’t expect someone else to know what you like if you don’t know yourself.

Yet there is still a huge social stigma about women and masturbation and even around talking about sex. We want great sex but we are often don’t take responsibility that this as much our job as our partners, we need to know what we like and be able to communicate it to them.

I think I need to expand me toy collection. If only they were not so damn expensive!

So questions:
women: how do you feel about telling your partner what you like?
men: do you like it when your woman communicates her needs and knows her own body?

8 thoughts on “Pleasure who’s responsibility

  1. We talk about what we like (what we dont like those silly little irritations is a little more difficult lol) – what I hate though is talking during sex – HATE it. We can discuss it all we like and try for something different/better etc next time if it really needs more communication than a word or few- but not in the moment.

  2. For me, talking during the act depends on circumstances. Sometimes things can be slow and you have a conversation and you’re just touching each but you’re not driving the bus in a hurry, so to speak. And then they get interesting and you just want him to shut up and get on with the business.

    • I don’t think it is always necessary to talk as such during sex, but moving a hand here or there, or knowing what positions you like, or being able to talk about what you like at other times I think is vital. I like talking in general so I think I would always talk in sex or I guess be quite vocal one way or the other 😉

  3. Agree with you Sally. Don’t do the talking during either, but moving a hand or mouth here or there works well. I think you need to have the talk before or after and if you can have a good giggle during if it doesn’t work – even better. And nothing wrong with a toy or two in the bedside table!

  4. It all depends on the situation. But your question works both ways. Sure men might be ‘simpler’, but not always.

    I think if you want it to be as good as it can be, you need to communicate, whether it’s during, before, after, whatever. There’s nothing wrong with a “slower”, or “here”.

    the only guys that will be offended will be the ones who think they’re Gd’s gift to women. 🙂

  5. Not much of one for talking but I am busy fantasizing, not because I do not want to be with who I am with but because I enjoy it and it adds another dimension. So I do not want to break that mood by talking but I definitely make my own wishes known. I wish I had known more in my early 20s then I would not have made some of the mistakes I have made.

  6. I agree with Damaria, it depends on the mood of the moment BUT it IS very important to talk. Communication has been and will always be the most powerful aphrodisiac, in my opinion. My guy likes his neck stroked. I’ve told him what I like. Together we’re establishing what works for us. It’s also important to be open to suggestions, even if you think at first that you might not like something. Try it, maybe you will.

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