I found my vibrator while searching for a necklace yesterday, before going out to dinner with a school friend I had not seen in 20 years. It was in a bag I had not looked in and I even at one point though it might not have been shipped, but it was.
Being alone at the moment and needing to be this way for a while means that if I want some then I have to be the one providing it. This actually suits me fine, I usually love the contact with another person, touching and being touched but at the moment I need this alone space.
All of this got me thinking about pleasure and responsibility of enjoyment. Having grown up in a very religious family with parents who are not openly affectionate, and a date rape when I was younger meant that it took me ages to accept that my sexuality is okay. I have always been fairly willing to try stuff and am quite open but there was always a little piece of me holding back.
If I think how much I have changed since my teens and 20’s to now and how much more I enjoy sex as I have gotten older. A big part I think is learning self pleasure, as one friend said you can’t expect someone else to know what you like if you don’t know yourself.
Yet there is still a huge social stigma about women and masturbation and even around talking about sex. We want great sex but we are often don’t take responsibility that this as much our job as our partners, we need to know what we like and be able to communicate it to them.
I think I need to expand me toy collection. If only they were not so damn expensive!
women: how do you feel about telling your partner what you like?
men: do you like it when your woman communicates her needs and knows her own body?