So Thursday rolled around quite quickly, you know when you have been thinking of doing something your whole adult life and then suddenly it is there and it seems too soon. I am glad that from the time I saw the Dr to the time that I had the op was relatively small as did not give me enough time to chicken out. Although I did wobble a few times. Especially in the parking lot, I wanted to turn around a go home.
I don’t think I was quite as nervous on the day as I thought I would be. Needing to be there early, rushing to get the kids ready and generally being a little distracted helped me not to have enough time to get nervous. Even at the clinic all the papers filled in and waiting I was so much calmer than I had anticipated. I even got a call from Great Expectation wanting me to be on TV so not enough time to stress just be excited about my TV début.
Finally the nurse comes to call me to go through, no turning back now, I did once or twice wonder if I should just bolt for the door but since I was now dressed in a lovely hospital gown and slipper I did not think it would be the wisest move. There is something about entering the realm of the ‘medical’ which means you leave your privacy and personhood behind. I know I am a nurse. Medical staff see naked people one way or another all the time; it is just part of the job. I think what we forget is that for the person doing the undressing and standing naked in front of a room of strangers it is not the norm. They still feel exposed and vulnerable.
That said the staff were all wonderful and very kind. Maybe it is having pink hair but I stand out in people’s minds so they tend to look me in the eye more and I engage in conversation that makes me more of a real person. Maybe it is not the hair at all; maybe it is just me and having been a nurse and my subconscious determination not to be ‘another’ number. The Dr asked me to take the gown off and then very matter of fact draws lines all over me and double checks measurements. 400cc is the decided size. Everyone has been asking me what cup size this will be in the end, I have no idea, I guess in 4-6 weeks when the swelling has gone down we will see. Whatever it is, it will be more than the nothing I had.
Don’t you just hate the pre falling asleep stage when your eyelids are struggling to stay open and you can feel the cold aesthetic creeping over you like a wave to take you into unconsciousness. Next thing I was back in the bed where I had waited for the op. I DID NOT CRY, this is a first for me, I always cry when I come round from surgery. I was awake, a little woozy but no tears. I do wish they allowed people into the recovery room and that I had had a friendly face to wake up to, but it was not to be. They are too busy to have people in the back so when you are ready you dress and they show you back out to the front waiting room.
I am proud to say that I even did my post op exercises straight away ( which you are supposed to do every hour!), the pain was there but manageable at this point. I was able to get dressed and walk out. It was over – I really really had boobs for the first time in my life, well that and a horrible drain that can come out in 3 days.
The real pain was only to hit at about 1pm, I tried to get to my pain meds for an hour but could not actually move even with having had a morphine injection of earlier. When I did ask Barbara to help me sit, the pain was indescribable I wanted to throw up and faint at the same time. I broke out in a cold sweat, horrible horrible and I even had extra pain medication with the Morphine my dad got me. I have no idea how people without cope. Well the debate of how badly post op pain is managed is one for another day…
The Thursday and Friday were a bit of a blur really. I hope I did not say anything to anyone I should not have as I was sore and out of it. The good side was it was probably the most sleep I have had in months.
My friends have been amazing but that is a whole story on its own and one I will write tomorrow.