On Thursday I am having breast implants. I am both excited and terrified. Having been flat chested all my life this is something I have wanted for a long time. But have never had the money or the guts to do it before. Nothing like a life changing divorce at 32 to make you ready for big changes.
My husband always moaned about my breasts, he told that the first time he saw me naked he was taken aback by my lack of boobs and has nagged me to get implants for ages. It is strange but when someone else suggested that I do it, I dug my heels in and would not even think about it. I think it was the suggestion of me not quite being good enough that I rebelled against.
Now coming out of that relationship and having to face my love hate relationship with my non existent mammaries I have had to think long and hard about this choice. Why am I doing it and why now?
I have successfully breastfed 2 kids for a total of 4 years so from a functional point of view my little breasts have done very well, but I have always wanted to feel that tiny bit more feminine and have those curves that makes buying clothes that little bit easier. I would like buying sexy lingerie to be fun and not just depressing.
Maybe part of it is fearing that other men may react like my ex did when they see me naked, but I am so much more than the sum of my breasts. I am doing this for myself, it is not to please a man, to win and man or to keep a man. It is a little something for me.
I have no expectations that it will change my life or make me happier or a more satisfied person. I also do not expect that they will be perfect. But they will make me feel good and are a little present to myself in what has been a difficult few months.
I am sure I should be sensible and save the money I have and not spend it on breast, but you know I am a little tired of sensible for the moment and so I throw caution to the wind. Besides I have a plan to make back some of the money.
It is quite surprising how many people have asked to feel them afterwards; I think it is quite funny actually. I guess people are curious to see what they will be like. I really have no problem with it at all. So I thought I could be like one of those kissing booths at the fair, except you put your R5 in the jar and get to feel my boobs rather than get a kiss.