I need help

Okay so as i said I am going to be on TV next week but the thing is I need to decide what to wear.

This is the dress code we were sent via email

DRESS CODE:

Please refrain from the following:

WHITE CLOTHING.
Striped clothing.
Busy clothing – paisleys, little blocks, shapes etc. (As much as possible, use simple patterned clothing, nothing too intricate and busy that jumps out at you).
Branded clothing or t-shirts with slogans.
Shorts or mini skirts.
Hats.
Dresses without belts (as this makes it difficult to attach a microphone battery pack onto you).
Low “V” Neck tops (this also creates a problem for the microphone).
Shorts and t-shirts.
Light pastel colours and yellow.
Chunky neck jewelry that might rub against your microphone.
Takkies and messy shoes (please remember that your shoes will be on camera).

Also important to remember:

Please dress comfortably; not too formal and not too casual. No heavy suits.
High heels, slacks, skirts, jerseys, smart shirts are always a plus.
Please make sure that whatever you are wearing has a waistband to hold your microphone battery pack.
The temperature in studio is quite low, causing it to be a bit chilly. Please bear this in mind, especially if you are prone to feeling cold.

So I spend a good deal of this morning trying on stuff, I don’t own high heels ( well I do but not for TV), slacks ( jeans maybe but slacks no) or smart shirts. What I do own is over 40 different skirts ( I counted them today hahaha) – yes I admit I have a bit of a skirt addiction, and lots of T-shirts which makes this rather hard, most of my stuff is light, busy or branded and I am not going shopping for the pleasure of being on TV. And certainly not for slacks or high heel shoes!!!

Now if all of this was no bad enough the added instructions were to Wear spring- and eco-inspired clothes please!

I need help please help me see if anything I tried on today will work. Please ignore the glasses and bad hair and no makeup you are only look at my clothes. These are some seriously bad pics of me. It is very hard not to feel like a complete plonker when posing like this.

1. (worried this one is not spring enough)
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2. (think this one is too busy and the pink in the dress might clash with my hair – usually I don’t really care but this is TV you know)
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3. (just not feeling this one at all – too boring I think)
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4. (top too busy? yes i know the skirt needs ironing!)
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5. (I think this one makes me look fat and clashes with my hair – does it matter?)
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6. (This is the one my mom and Laura like)
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I have 34 more skirts I could try so let me know if you are just not feeling these and I will see what else I can come up with.

Kid time

This morning the kids and I went to the Wet Nose dog rescue center fund raising day. The kids had fun and Laura and I got to spend too much money and try look like we were having fun. Poor Laura was not feeling well at all, and I was not in a great mood either, but we survived and the kids enjoyed the time out.

This afternoon Rachel asked if we could play with some of her plasticine modeling clay. It was actually quite fun. And I was totally amazed at what she made. There was a picture on the paper of a very boring butterfly, I think Rachel’s own creation was a million times better.

The Alien I made for Caleb
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Rachel’s butterfly
plasticine butterfly

Rachel making a snake for Caleb
plasticine snake

plasticine snake

Caleb
sweet boy

And then I did the pink in my hair again yesterday for my TV appearance on Tuesday, excuse the no make and no mascara, hate having such light eyelashes you can hardly see them, oh well you are supposed to be looking at my hair! But seriously not the best pics of me ever, hard to take a decent pic of yourself.

pink hair

pink hair

pink hair

What I learnt today

– my integrity matters.
– some friends are all talk but when you need them they can’t stand to be in the center of raw pain and emotion – I needed you tonight, I asked and you left!
– I am worth more than the way I have been treated.
– I want someone who would never have left me or gotten me into the situation I had to deal with alone today.
– My world is complex and difficult so look before you enter.
– I am stronger than I ever thought but hurt more than I conceived imaginable.
– I am harder and more guarded because of today and I hate that.
– feeling lonely is one of the hardest things in the whole world.
– when you think there are no more tears there are more.
– It is worth looking beyond what you get to who I am.
– Promises are empty without actions.
– I want a man who is safe and strong enough to give me his all.
– Sometimes just breathing feels too painful – I want to stop.
– Time carries on and as much as I do not want the sun to rise tomorrow, it will.

Questions

I wrote this fridge magnet poem last night when I was feeling particularly emo, I really hate feeling like that. It is really not me at all. I like to be funny, happy, flirting, joking and laughing or quiet and contently relaxed. I don’t do angstig very well. But today the world seems better, I guess it is in moment like last night that you have to hold onto the dawn light as yet unseen.

Questions:
Will my soul soar again,
above the shadow clouds?
Does one wake from this cold?
The journey through the dark seems unending
A fragile whisper – almost dawn
the heart must believe in light yet unseen.

The Rules

While I was throwing out stuff I came across a silly thing a university friend gave me called The Rules. I had a good laugh so thought I would share them.

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change by the Female at any time without prior notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male is learning too many rules, she must immediately change all or some of them.

5. The Female can never be wrong.

6. If it appears that the Female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.

7. In case of Rule 6 applying, the Male must immediately apologies for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female may change her mind or the rules at any time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without written consent from the Female.

10. The Female can be angry or upset at anytime.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female requires him to be angry or upset.

12. The Male has no right to know when the Female requires him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male must be a mind reader at all times.

14. Any attempt to document the Rules could result in the Male incurring bodily harm.

15. The Female is ready when she is ready.

16. The Male must be ready at all times.

17. If the Female has PMS all Rules are null and void

Too much stuff

As I have been working my way through the boxes and stuff that was shipped I realized that we have way too much stuff. The kids and I survived since January with just about what we brought in our suitcases. Sure we have added a few things here and there but on the whole, besides some of their more special toys, we did not seem to need or miss very much stuff at all.

Now we suddenly have a house full (too full of stuff) and I am feeling a little over whelmed. I am being a bit like an ostrich and sticky my head in the proverbial sand and ignoring the problem. Most of the boxes are unpacked and there is stuff piled everywhere but it is now dealing with all the stuff that I am avoiding. I spend time at my computer where it is safe, when I really should be sorting my life out. I know that once it is more organised it will help with the sense of calm I need in my life at the moment. My excuse last week was that lifting and moving stuff was still not such a great idea with the new boobs but now I really don’t have that excuse. The boobs feel fine (and as a quick aside let me just say how much I love them – so glad I did it)

I am generally not a very organised or tidy person, I will find 100 better things to do, life just normally feel too short to spend too much time on being excessivly tidy, sure some sense of order is needed, but I like just a little chaos too, that if things are not quite where they should be all the time it is okay. Things being slightly out of place is one thing, but it is the amount of stuff that is weighing me down. There are things I have shipped and moved in the last 5 years that I should have gotten rid of ages go. I think I need a roll of black bags and a ruthless mood and I need to start throwing away. Maybe a bit like a diet detox – my life needs a bit of a detox and clean out.

You see the problem is that a lot of the stuff has memories tied into them, they remind me of just how far away I am from where I planned to be. A lot of the stuff also serves to remind me just what being alone means. I am faced with doing things I never had to before and am feeling just a little too far out of my comfort zone.

Time to let go and move on from not just my marriage but a lot of things from my life. Hanging on to things only burdens you, I need a lighter load if I am to have a new start.

A Meme

Not sure why these are called memes as the meaning or memethics seems quite different from these question and answer thingys. From wikipedia A meme (pronounced /ˈmiːm/, rhyming with “cream”[1]) is a postulated unit or element of cultural ideas, symbols or practices, and is transmitted from one mind to another through speech, gestures, rituals, or other imitable phenomena. (The etymology of the term relates to the Greek word mimema for “something imitated”.)[2] Supporters of the concept regard memes as cultural analogues to genes, in that they self-replicate and respond to selective pressures.[3] Memeticists have not empirically proven the existence of discrete memes or their proposed mechanism, and memes (as distinct from ideas or cultural phenomena) do not form part of the consensus of mainstream social sciences.

But none the less it seems to be what these are called on blogs so i will go with that.

Saw this one on Laura and Gillian’s blogs so thought i would have a bash at it too, I enjoyed reading their answers

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
Water.

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
I don’t think so.

Where was your default picture taken?
Klerksdorp

Who was the last person you rode in a car with under the age of 20?
Rachel

Can you play guitar hero?
Never tired, gosh that is a bit sad.

Last time you walked further than a block?
Saturday – walked the kids to the park.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
Last night was an early night I think I was in bed at about 10:30 which is very early for me.

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Right now I am where I need to be, I am open to the idea of moving when the time is right.

Do you believe ex’s can be friends?
No I don’t think so.

Do you like calling or texting better?
I usually hate phoning, would rather text

When was the last time you cried really hard?
Last week

Where are you at right now?
In my study at home

What bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine

What was the last thing someone bought for you?
can’t remember

Who took your profile picture?
Janine

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
My kids

Was yesterday better than today?
Yesterday was good I got to spend it with Laura and my kids, but no it was not better than today

Can you live a day without TV?
yes I seldom watch TV, just don’t have the time

When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
now

Are you a bad influence?
gosh how does one answer a question like this, yes and no

Night out or night in?
Need a balance of both

Are you more of an individual or an outgoing person?
I am a people person and love talking prefer one on one meandering conversations but love going out too.

What items could you not go without during the day?
coffee, my computer and my phone

Would you share a drink with a stranger?
As in out of the same glass? – no maybe not, if they needed a drink I would buy them one

Do you think it’s right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
don’t see why not

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
No

What does the last message in your inbox say?
It was from B – a sad message about a friend, too personal for a blog

How do you feel about your life right now?
Lots of very mixed emotions Happy, sad, hopeful, tired, scared

How many times have you been pulled over by the police?
never

Do you hate anyone?
No I don’t think so

Do you talk dirty to people?
I can

If we were to look in your inbox, what would we find?
3012 unread messages – don’t ask

Did you have a valentine this year?
No.
I lie Rachel made me a card

Last person you talked to on the phone?
My Dad

Can you easily tell if someone is fake?
Yes

How’s your heart?
bruised

Say you were given a drug test right now, Would you pass?
yes.

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes

What song is stuck in your head?
right now? nothing

Someone knocks on your window at 2 am, who do you want it to be?
my window is upstairs, I hope they would phone rather than hang outside the window.

What do you have to do this week?
work, be a mom, work, work, blog, write, be a mom, work etc

Can you whistle?
yes it is a bit pathetic but I think it counts

Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
Side

What gets in your way of your sleeping?
My brain that never switches off

Are your eyes the same colour as your mom’s or dad’s?
yes my Mom

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
using the word pretty – no i don’t think so

Do you think too much or too little?
Seeing as it keeps me awake at night i would say too much

Do you smile a lot?
sometimes

Why was the last missed call on your phone?
I was upstairs, phone was downstairs

Are you happy with your life?
It is better than it was and hopefully moving forward

Can you handle the truth?
Yes, sometimes it hurts but it is always worth knowing

Do you get 8 hours of sleep everyday?
Hardly ever

What was the last book you read?
I am reading ‘Only Say the word’ by Niall Williams

Is there something you always wear?
I like skirts, don’t always wear them.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
answering an email, writing a work blog, tweeting, catching up on blog reading – yes I have a hundred tabs open at once and switch between them constantly

Honestly, who was the last person to tell that they love you?
next question

Are you an emotional person?
Yes I have big emotions, I feel deeply

What’s something that can always make you feel better?
Running, someone special holding me, my kids hugs and kisses.

Will this weekend be a good one?
No idea what I am doing but I guess it will be okay

What do you want right now?
A goodnight kiss

Look behind you, what do you see?
the bathroom

Have you ever worked in a food place?
No

The Invitation; By Oriah Mountain Dreamer (A native American Indian)

(I like this poem and found it while looking for something totally different, but I thought I would share it as this week the fridge magnets are silent.)

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting in your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being
alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or become shrivelled
and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit in pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to
the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be
careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you’re telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not
pretty every day and if you can source your life from
God’s presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver
of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or
how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you are, how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Weekend wine and kids

It was a quiet weekend actually, we spent a lot of time with Laura and her kids. We were there Friday afternoon, they came to us on Saturday for lunch and the afternoon and then we were at a braai today with another single mom. Wine was consumed, laughs were had and life was discussed.

My sweet boy – his sister threw a rock at him yesterday, poor little guy.
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Rachel looking cheeky as ever
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Cold Kiara after they played in the sprinklers
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Cam
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The awesome Laura braaied for the many many children.
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Caleb loves Cameron and took his lunch straight to where Cameron was sitting. A bit of big boy hero worship.
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Laura and I are similar in a lot of ways and I never realized how well she could understand me and read me until I was telling her something and she just said ‘oh I knew that already’ I had not needed to tell her she just sensed where I was at and what was happening in my life. She is a lot further along her journey as a single mom than me and her support and understand really helps. I can share things with her that few others would understand and even when I think she gets frustrated at my choices she is always supportive and protective of me.

Thanks Laura – you rock

Bookcase screws

Dear Bookcase screws

I really need you now, I am sure it has been fun hiding and watching us all search high and low for you. You see the thing is that I have very little that is uncomplicated in my life right now. I really need to be able to finish unpacking and get what control I can have over small things. There are boxes of books just waiting until I find you so that I can pack them away. You might feel small and undervalued but to me you are very very important right now. Please reveal yourselves soon.

Kind regards
Pink Hair Girl