What is love? It inspires people to express themselves in all sorts of ways; music, art, dance, poetry, writing etc. The emotion in some of these art forms is almost tangible, you can feel it reaching out at you across the medium of expression. I know I have never felt love like that. Not in the true sense of the word. I have felt lust, affection, even a connection with some people but not true love. Just thinking about how my kids make me feel inside, then there is no man who has come even close to stirring a comparable feeling. While it will obviously be a very different kind of love it is the intensity of what I feel for my kids that has never been there for a man before.
I think part of the problem may have been selling myself short. I gave up on the notion of romantic love quite young and as such was willing to put up with less than ideal as I was sure it was as good as one could expect. As long as it was not all bad then surely that was okay? Well 8 years down the line I look back and see that it was not okay. Compromise on some levels is always needed in a relationship but to such an extent where you as a person gets lost and is not valued or cherished is not okay.
I read a blog post recently on the 5 Mistakes Women Make it is well worth a read and I could identify with so much of it
I want to be someone else’s world and for them to be the same to me. I want to be the one that makes their face light up when I enter the room. I want to be the prize that they are willing to go out of their way to obtain. I want to give all of my thoughts and deep desires. I am quite a fiery person and have come to realize that what I need is someone that is strong enough to stand up to my temper but in a way that is diffusive and not explosive. Someone is going to have to rock my world for me to make a commitment again. I always thought I was so afraid of being alone, now I would rather be alone than be lonely with someone else.
I hope love is out there and while dating at this point seems quite intimidating, I am looking forward to meeting new people and being challenged by new ideas. This time though I want the real deal.