Girls don’t pooh

Yes yes I am well aware that you all know we do, but knowing and knowing are two different things. I have a total phobia of the need to go anywhere but at what constitutes home at the time and no one can be around.

I once went to Botswana for 4×4 salt pans holiday where we slept in tents and had a spade to head off into the bushes with when the toilet was required. Needless to say I did not go for 5 days. Could not! It is just not possible to take the spade and head off into the bush when everyone knows what you are going to do.

Imagine a change in wind direction, I die at the very thought. The problem seems to be that when I am in a situation that I am not 100% comfortable, my brain and my anal sphincter (sorry for the TMI – the nurse in me) seem to drop signal and there is just no communication between the two. So imagine heading off into the bush with your spade and returning HOURS later. Not only does everyone know what you have been doing they know that it took ages. The idea of such mortification means the whole lot comes to a grinding halt. Not healthy I know but well some connection problems are easier solved than my brain and butt.

This slight neurosis of mine extends to when people are staying with me. I will go across to my moms house next door and use the toilet there. And I know that I am not the only one. Sheena blogged about it on Female2Female and I remember a varsity friend who was so conscious of toilet noises that she had perfected the angle at which to aim yourself and used layers of toilet paper just not the make a sound when weeing! So why on earth do I feel the need to share this now?? Well I am leaving on a road trip with 4 other people tomorrow… Oh shit!

18 thoughts on “Girls don’t pooh

  1. I will think of you lots! 😛 Mine seems to do the opposite. At any in-opportune time, I need to go, NOW. No matter where. Driving in the car to Knysna? No issues….the violent dehydrating type issues happen, so much so I had to find a hospital in the middle of nowhere due to the agony. Side of the road mortification is just awesome. I hope your tummy is kind to you – I am sure after a few days, things will rock 🙂 [airspray and an excuse to “Read” could work? hehe]

  2. 🙂 pretty much have the same view as cazpi, but some that i live with share your “anal ways” so to speak! I therefore fully sympathize x

  3. LOL! Having suffered from chronic constipation for many years, I find myself beyond caring about other people’s thoughts and/or opinions with regard to my bowel functions: when the opportunity presents itself to go, I go!! And if someone else’s life happens to be so devoid of anything approximating something better to think about, then that’s just their tough luck!

    I feel for you, though. It can’t be easy to throw yourself so far out of your comfort zone(s), even when you’re by yourself – nevermind doing it with 4 other people in tow!!

    All the best to you all – I’ll be following ART with great interest!

  4. I suspect the letters T, M and I are about to become meaningless. Oh, shit- I must pack toilet paper! Thanks for the reminder 🙂
    I’m more worried about becoming a hood ornament on a ten-tonne truck, but I guess we each have independent anxieties. We’ll be kind with the cameras…

  5. I tend to share your motion for private moments. Not even the army or Kilimanjaro could change my sentiments. It’s a shitty situation but I have found beer eases the pressure. If beer don’t work for rapid relief Tequila seems to work for emergency situations. Never forget Twitter, nothing more satisfying than Tweeting from the bog, you forget why you sitting on the directors chair and just get on with the business on hand. If all else fails just fart and blame Scott or Andre hehehe

  6. I think you should change those last few words to “NO shit”.

    I am exactly the same way as you, I refuse to go in public bathrooms and I cannot go when someone is in my house or when I’m on holiday or at someones house. I just can’t

  7. I just know everybody goes. So, now it’s my turn. Even if I feel embarassed it needs to be done. Like a little girl said “mens moet poep”.
    I do have simpathy with those who “sukkel”. have one like that in the home.

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