What should you risk for love

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I have been avoiding writing this post for a while. Something happens when you have a blog, everything becomes a potential blog post and this idea has popped into my head a few times when talking to friends over the past few months. I kept putting it off thinking that when I had something profound to say I would be able to do the topic justice, but the epiphany never came. The problem with this topic is that it can seem so cliché to just say “hell yes, you risk all for love.”

Last night on twitter a few of the girls were talking about the movie City of Angels (possible spoiler, so don’t read further if you have not seen the movie and still want to) and it got me thinking again about how much should we risk for love. I cried in that movie, they found that love, the one we all look for and then just like that it was gone, should he have risked so much for such a short time? Can love be measured in time, or rather in how it makes your heart feel and your soul sing?

I asked the question on twitter about what we should risk for love and the answers varied from everything to nothing. But the one reply that got me thinking was Lisa Troy’s answer : “The problem isn’t what we risk for love it’s that we risk for the illusion the other person offers us. That’s the tragedy.”

There is some truth in this, we often look to others to offer us the dream, the happiness we seek, but this has the potential for disaster. I don’t think another person should be responsible for your happiness, they should add to it. I believe that real love, where the person is enough as they are and all you have to be is yourself, is worth risking a lot for.

For me as someone who has always been a bit cynical and skeptical of love, the biggest risk is in the loving itself. We don’t use the word ‘falling’ in love for nothing, there is a process of abandonment of rational thought that is needed to fall, a loss of control is implied. This can be blindly terrifying as the outcome no matter how sure you were when you took the leap is always to a degree uncertain. But wow that falling feeling is great!

So what do you think, what should you risk for love?

26 thoughts on “What should you risk for love

  1. Sometimes it isn’t a conscious decision to risk, but the lack of reason that makes us do so. Sometimes we think, and still conclude the same. If it is love, the only answer is:
    Everything.

  2. I dont really know – I think you risk your heart when falling in love. Like the saying of when you have children your heart walks outside of you – for me loving is the same it is just I chose to give my heart to someone else.

    (btw I hated City of Angels, almost everything about it, it is on my list of top crap movies lol)

  3. I understand the fear and risk of putting yourself out there,
    but I don’t think real love is a risk, at all.
    It’s a certainty. You KNOW. There is no foothold for doubt.

    What the angel did was not a risk. Not a emotional gamble. It was a sacrifice.
    He sacrificed all he knew and loved, to be with her, to be able to love her.
    Inside, he knew, absolutely, and so the sacrifice was right, and without risk.
    Whatever the outcome.

  4. BTW City of Angels was based on the movie Wings of Desire- A brilliant monotone masterpiece made by Wim Wenders. It’s an 80’s movie, and stars Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, so it’s one of my favourites…

  5. I have to agree with Andre here – you KNOW. Real love, now that I have experienced both kinds, is one where it is just right. WHere you know each other to the core, and its alright. Where you are not scared to tell the other how you feel, as you feel safe. The only other feeling perhaps akin to this, in my book, has been “home”.

  6. I think that all kinds of love require a certain amount of risk. Whether it be the love for a friend, a child or a lover. Life is never certain and love is dependent on the fickle nature of human beings, who have been proven to be anything but reliable.
    When you love, you risk. But to what degree should you risk? You should ask yourself – if this person had to stop loving me right now would I be able to carry on? Would I be able to pick up the pieces and carry on, no matter the hurt? If that answer is no then you are risking your whole self. There has to be a part of you that is only for you, a part that you are unwilling to risk no matter what.

  7. Aequitas – <3
    Scott - I think it is the lack of reason that sometimes makes it feel like a risk, the slightly out of control feeling.
    Barbara - yes i do think we risk our hearts, but better to take that than never love I think
    Andre - By risk I do not mean gamble, I mean being willing to take the chance, we do not know the future, love can be lost in many different ways and to say there was no risk implies that there is no chance of pain and there always is. I had to be a geek and look up the definition of risk: exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a hazard or dangerous chance see I think there is always a risk, but it is worth taking.
    ExMi – yes as long as we don’t risk who we are because if we are required to change or it damages us then it can’t be a healthy love.
    Cazpi – i think knowing the other person is so important and part of loving that we should work at more, to see them as they are and not try change them or see them as we would like them to be. That feeling of safe is so important
    Poegeyed – agree i think there is always some risk

  8. Pingback: Harassed Mom » Blog Archive » Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly

  9. I’m with Poegeyed. When you love, you risk. and sometimes the ending is not ideal. But, the processs of loving; the time you had with this person, makes whatever sadness you may experience at the end worth it.
    This is a lesson i learnt from being a mother to Baby. She came to me at a couple of months old, and I hoped I would have the opportunity to raise her to adulthood. Last December, 11 and half years after I got her, I had to give her back to her mother. And yes, it hurt so bad I didn’t even want to come out of bed. Yet, given he chance, I would do it again because the gift was in the loving, not in how it ended.

  10. gosh Damaria i had no idea, that is heartbreaking I am so sorry. I am glad that you had the time together that you did and I pray you are still able to be a part of her life.

  11. thanks Barbara. This happened end of Nov/begining of Dec, so it’s fairly recent. And yes, I am still in her life and have access to her as much as I can manage. We speak almost everyday by phone, email and skype, and I spent time with her during the Christmas season. But she’s in another city, so distance is a factor.

  12. I happened to listen to a Greek song from 20 odd years back today. It says:

    Tonight I’ll vow that I love you, you push me off the cliff and I laugh.
    Whatever was left from the mayhem I’ll give you, before I go through the latest ship wreck.
    Ask me anything you want, take me anywhere you want.
    I don’t want to live a half life.

    When we find that someone that completes us, that makes us whole, everything takes a new meaning. The world is a brighter place. People sometimes lose themselves in that feeling and they don’t draw limits. Because there have to be limits. You can’t/shouldn’t give the whole of you to someone exactly because life is made up of too many variables. People change, shit happens and if the tragic thing happens and you’re left alone, you should have enough of yourself to be able to pick up the pieces.
    I have trust issues. Maybe it’s because every guy I trusted let me down. Maybe I set myself up for failure. I don’t know. But I’m still not willing to give up. When I feel a more than usual special connection, I open up each time like a fool. And I know that I’m putting myself out there b/c even though I feel it’s right, the other person may not and I’m too starry-eyed to see it. Or he feels something but not at the same degree. We can’t be objective when it comes to feelings/emotions because most of the time we see what we want to see.We interpret the other person’s actions the way we want to, the way it suits us, and only when things are over and we have some distance do we see the real picture.
    OK I’ve no idea what I just said. IT’s probably all silliness.

  13. Just copied and pasted my twitter reply, says it all for me.

    @pinkhairgirl First thought = everything & then I thought about past & present & I think my answer is NOTHING would give my all though…

  14. @pinkhairgirl – she’s doing well, I think. I’ve always made sure they have a good relationship because I wanted to make sure that Baby wouldn’t suddenly find herself living with a complete stranger. I also made sure she visited her mom a number of times so she could have friends there and establish a life. And now she’s busy with new school and extramural activities etc.

  15. @damaria it is wonderful that you nurtured that contact but how are you doing? I have been trying to imagine what it must feel like and i cant =(

  16. You risk your heart, you put all of it out there to be taken or discarded. What else could have the same value? So yes, you risk everything.

  17. I will risk everything! you cannot go into a new relationship holding back… You will keep on missing out on more. To fall in love is a risk itself.

    Illusions are only created if it is not true love and or there is no communication. Not every one is out there to tear your heart apart.

  18. I unfortunately would not risk anything – I had the perfect relationship where risk was not a factor – we just jumped in and explored and experienced and it was fabulous until the day he died. Now, I first have to be sure that “THIS IS IT” again before I can take risks – to be continued ……

  19. Tanya: one individual should complete another. two human beings coming together to complete each other= recipe for a disastrous relationship. Wehn we “fall in-love” and get into a relationship .we are taking a risk . trusting some one else with your emotions,the fundamental part that makes you who you are. that is a risk we have all taken with good or bad consequences. life itself is a risk every day. no matter what aspect it is. We all have indirectly “risked” for love.

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