Hope

Hope is an evil little 4 letter word. I know a lot of you are going to disagree with me when you read this and that is okay. At least my friend Heather understands.

The wikipedia definition: Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

Sounds lovely right? But it is not always true. Very very often the outcome is not positive and we can’t have what we want. All hope does is let you dream that these things might be possible they open you up to happy thoughts about what is very often just not true or possible.

I worked as a palliative care nurse specialist before I had my kids and I have seen, spoken to and sat with many dying people. Many patients hoped for a cure or miracle right to the end, but it did not change the outcome, it often just left them little time to prepare or focus on goodbyes. Not that the reality had to be morbid or even depressing, it just was what it was.

We say ‘I hope xyz’ all the time it never actually has the power to make it happen. For example my son was sick today running a very high fever all day. For most of the afternoon he was in my arms screaming. He is asleep now thank goodness and I can say ‘I hope we will have a good night’ and images of peaceful sleep will be in my mind, in reality it is unlikely we will get a good night sleep. Why tempt yourself with ideas of things than might not happen? Is it not better to be surprised when they do rather than disappointed when they don’t?

I love the Greek Mythology about Hope. It was personified as Elpis. When Pandora opened Pandora’s Box, she let out all the evils except one: hope. Apparently, the Greeks considered hope to be as dangerous as all the world’s evils. But without hope to accompany all their troubles, humanity was filled with despair. It was a great relief when Pandora revisited her box and let out hope as well. It may be worthy to note that in the story, hope is represented as weakly leaving the box but is in effect far more potent than any of the major evils.

This weeks poem was not with the fridge magnet although I did stand there for a while, the problem is that the magnet set I have is is the romance and love one – not ideal at the moment. So a lot of the more morbid words I want are just not there, trusty pen and paper to the rescue.

Hope

Hope raised its ugly deceitful head
It opens a securely guarded heart
A ray of light illuminates the dream held deep within
And for a fleeting moment you see that dream
in all its Technicolor mesmerizing beauty

You dare to think,
You try hold back, wanting to protect
but Hope’s opiate elixir so sweet and warm
dulls the part of the head screaming – ‘wait!’
It’s too late the voice is drowned out as Hope’s
effects now course through your veins.

The dreams hope stirs are but a mirage
Reach out and touch them and they all just disappear
The elixir wears off
The vulnerable heart is left open in agony
Hope walks away laughing

12 thoughts on “Hope

  1. I don’t think hope is so evil…sometimes we’re just not ready for it – kind of like that saying about it’s always darkest just before the dawn.

    I’ve had my share of some pretty dark and miserable days too – trust you’ll get through it. In fact you’ll look back at it some day and wonder why the hell you got so upset about it in the first place.

    Don’t give up on hope just yet…

    • Thanks Jane, the poems just seem to happen.
      It is not something I have ever felt very good at before, but it seems if you add me and emo you get some poetry – who would have guessed LOL
      Wenchy: see I get that hope is useful and we need it, sometimes i just think that it hurts us a lot.
      Louisa: I would rather at this point just have the dark, it is not so bad, you get used to it and know how to cope. I imagine that one day things might feel different but right now I don’t need hope of dreams that are not happening. I would rather just be shocked if they ever do

  2. What about the positives in life right now. At this minute. Not hoping or expecting or wanting or needing or desiring. But just being. In the moment, with the sun shining, (or the rain dropping-not sure what weather you have today) and revelling in the fact that you are alive. That many many things happen on a daily basis that are good. That dont require hope. That just are. Someone once said to me that you should have no expectations of other people, in that way you will not be dissapointed. In a way, its quite true, because if you do not expect anything from a person, there is nothing to be dissapointed in. I have no idea what has happened in your life so there is nothing that I can really say to make it better or (to give you hope..;-)) but try to remember to love yourself during this time. The darkness may feel comfortable but the light is a much better (and less heavier) place to be.

  3. Imsonotablogger: That is what I mean though, just living with what I have. Does not mean that I can enjoy them. I just don’t want to hope right now. I sound ungrateful for what I have and that is not the case. I am really okay with my life as it is for now, i just really really don’t need to see the dream right now and know it is not possible.

  4. Fair enough, I do know what youre saying. I do hope that things begin to seem a little better for you soon though. Life becomes a drudge when the dream isnt possible, believe me i do know. So, through the internet ether I send you sunshine for the dark part of your heart.

  5. Iamsonotabloger – thank you, it is often people who you have never met that reach across heart ache and make the world just a little brighter.

  6. Hugs Sal – I understand what you saying. I am a person who tends to ‘hope’ but I do understand that feeling of not wanting to hope cause when disappointed it means you have to fall so much further than had you not hoped for more but simply accepted things as they are.

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