I want my own way!

Yes yes I know that sounds like a spoiled child stamping her feet and I guess it pretty much is. I apparently threw spectacular tantrums as a child. They were dealt with severely as big emotion was not allowed or understood in my family. So I learned to suppress a lot but it does not change the fact that when I can’t do it my way I want to jump up and down. Well no that is not actually true today I want to just be able to talk, to understand more and to support as best I can.

But it is hard when you have have big emotions to sit on the side line and wait. I want to jump in, not part of me all of me. I want to be able to give everything I have and can because it would make someone else life easier. It is not a case of being selfish and just wanting my own way because it benefits me, actually the opposite, at the moment I just really want to be allowed to help some I care about. But they need me not to and it is killing me. I am not patient and long suffering. I am dramatic and over the top.

My mind is racing I am struggling to focus and sit still. Thank goodness for Tanya on line last night. She calmed me and understood me and challenged me. I love my friends.
Plenty of distractions are going to be necessary these next 3 weeks. Anyone got wine?

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