So it is no secret that I have been feeling more than a little sorry for myself of late. A friend deciding to ignore me with no explanation was very hurtful and did not help my much blogged about sadness. Nothing like feeling you are not worth an explanation. I think the hardest part was not knowing quite what I had done or if they were okay. From ‘I will speak to you later’ to all contact being ignored was confusing. It obviously affected me on quite a subconscious level as I woke up in the middle of the night after having a nightmare about my friend being seriously hurt and in hospital and this being the reason they had not responded.
Another friend checked and the person is okay, I guess sometimes we don’t get an explanation and we have to leave people to do what they need to do, does not make it hurt less though, but like D said you learn what things you have control over and which you don’t.
Now back to the title of my blog – I was reading that blog I like so much: I Wrote This For You and this entry really made me think long and hard about my life. I am lucky and privileged and blessed, it would do me good to act like it once in a while. So I apologies for my self absorption and will really try to start looking for the good. Like the trip to Cape Town I am planning that started as a joke on twitter but might actually be just what I need – but more about that tomorrow.
The Truth Behind Glass Mountains
This isn’t torture.
Torture happens in small, dark rooms in countries with names you struggle to spell.
This is just mildly unpleasant.
This isn’t heroism.
Heroism happens in churches that are also schools, performed by teachers with no names and no place to stay.
This is just a good deed for the day.
This isn’t loss.
Loss happens on fields filled with poppies, in hospitals buzzing with flies, in distant deserts and late at night when there’s no good reason for the phone to ring.
This is just longing.
This isn’t important.
Important happens on bended knees and is breathed on last breaths with hands clutched tight, hearts tighter.
This is just a distraction.