As I have been working my way through the boxes and stuff that was shipped I realized that we have way too much stuff. The kids and I survived since January with just about what we brought in our suitcases. Sure we have added a few things here and there but on the whole, besides some of their more special toys, we did not seem to need or miss very much stuff at all.
Now we suddenly have a house full (too full of stuff) and I am feeling a little over whelmed. I am being a bit like an ostrich and sticky my head in the proverbial sand and ignoring the problem. Most of the boxes are unpacked and there is stuff piled everywhere but it is now dealing with all the stuff that I am avoiding. I spend time at my computer where it is safe, when I really should be sorting my life out. I know that once it is more organised it will help with the sense of calm I need in my life at the moment. My excuse last week was that lifting and moving stuff was still not such a great idea with the new boobs but now I really don’t have that excuse. The boobs feel fine (and as a quick aside let me just say how much I love them – so glad I did it)
I am generally not a very organised or tidy person, I will find 100 better things to do, life just normally feel too short to spend too much time on being excessivly tidy, sure some sense of order is needed, but I like just a little chaos too, that if things are not quite where they should be all the time it is okay. Things being slightly out of place is one thing, but it is the amount of stuff that is weighing me down. There are things I have shipped and moved in the last 5 years that I should have gotten rid of ages go. I think I need a roll of black bags and a ruthless mood and I need to start throwing away. Maybe a bit like a diet detox – my life needs a bit of a detox and clean out.
You see the problem is that a lot of the stuff has memories tied into them, they remind me of just how far away I am from where I planned to be. A lot of the stuff also serves to remind me just what being alone means. I am faced with doing things I never had to before and am feeling just a little too far out of my comfort zone.
Time to let go and move on from not just my marriage but a lot of things from my life. Hanging on to things only burdens you, I need a lighter load if I am to have a new start.